You Don't Have to Be Perfect Yet

I’m no where near perfect and do you want to know something awesome?  It’s ok!  There will be a time after the second coming when we will all be resurrected and made perfect, but until then, we are only human!  And it’s ok!  I felt the need to talk about this because though the scriptures encourage us to be perfect even as Christ is perfect (Matthew 5:48; 3 Nephi 12:48), everyone seems to get so discouraged when they feel like they don’t measure up or make a mistake.  Our Father in Heaven knows each and everyone of us very well and though He wants us to try our hardest to be our best, He doesn’t expect us to be perfect 100% of the time now.  

There are days I feel like such a failure that I don’t want to get out of bed.  I feel depressed to the point where I’m not sure if I want to live anymore.  Sometimes I get anxiety just going to walmart or church.  I fall short.  I don’t measure up to who the Lord (and myself) expect me to be.  I mess up.  I make mistakes.  I am anything but perfect.  And that’s ok!  I’m sure a lot of you feel all of these things too and maybe more, so I’m here to remind you that you are amazing!  Yes we can’t just give up on trying and expect the Lord to bless us with no effort, but the great thing about the church is that we get credit for trying!  Our purpose is to learn, grow, become like Christ, and bring others to Christ too.  

Making mistakes are one of the reasons we came to this earth.  As spirits in heaven, we couldn’t improve and we knew Heavenly Father personally to the point where we didn’t question Him or lose faith (unless you are the ⅓ from the war in heaven that followed Lucifer, but you are on this earth so you choose to follow the Lord’s plan!).  We couldn’t grow and become better without being tested and we didn’t really encounter trials in heaven.  So here we are on this beautiful earth our Father created for us.  And not just at any time, but in the last days!  Do you know how important you are to have been saved for this imperative time!  We are getting close to the second coming of Christ and as Millennials, we have been put on this earth at a very wicked time to be strong leaders and help bring people to Christ’s fold.  

“You are a ‘chosen generation, “foreordained by God to do a remarkable work-to help prepare the people of this world for the second coming.” -Russel M Nelson

So if you ever feel like you are unimportant or aren’t sure if you can make it through another day, remember this: your Father in Heaven believes in you!  He wouldn’t have put you here in such trying times if he didn’t know how strong you were.  As hard as it can be to get up and face our trials and work to be a good disciple of Christ, there is nothing more important than learning to rely on the Lord and put Him first in all things.  It is through our hardships that God shapes us into who He knows we can become.  We might feel inadequate at times, but the Lord qualifies who He calls and He knows our strengths and weaknesses.  He knows our mistakes and struggles, and yet He still loves us unconditionally.  And with someone as powerful and loving as the Lord on our side, how can we fail?!

“The Lord never loses sight of our eternal potential, even when we do.” -Carole M Stevens

We all have times where we don’t know if we’re going to make it and I promise that no matter what your situation and feelings, you are not alone!  Please don’t give up!  Pray to your Father in Heaven to feel how much love He has for you!  Doing just that has saved my life.  You are stronger than your battles and it is ok to not be perfect!  What is important is that we make the decision to get up and fight.  That we work to become better.  We repent and learn from our mistakes.  That we look to God in all that we do and strive to serve him just a little bit better every day.  And in case no one has told you recently, you are amazing!  Each and everyone of you.  You are strong!  You are beautiful!  You are smart!  You are loved!!  And don’t you ever forget it!    

“He knows when you are lost, and He knows where you are.  He knows your grief.  Your silent pleadings.  Your fears.  Your tears.  It matters not how you became lost-whether because of your own poor choices or because of circumstances beyond your control.  All that matters is that you are His child.  And He loves you.”  

    You can always turn to the Lord.  No matter how you feel or what you have done, He understands and He still loves you!!  Changing isn’t easy whether it is overcoming a temptation or sin or learning to love yourself and face each day with a smile, but with the strength and love of the Lord, change is possible!!  

“As we strive ever ore consistently to do good and become better, we can walk with the confidence that God will guide our steps.”  -David A Bednar

    Everyday is a new day to try a little harder to be a little better.  Trust God and keep going!!

You Are Loved

I have been in and out of the LDS church pretty much my whole life due to my home life, friends, my struggles, etc.  This story starts in may of 2016, when I made a decision to choose Jesus Christ and His gospel.  I’ve made a lot of mistakes and struggled with myself.  And if I have learned one thing through all of the pain and heartbreak, it is that we cannot do this alone.  And if we choose to come unto Christ, we don’t have to.
I wouldn’t wish my struggles upon anyone else or make some of the same decisions I did again.  But I do know that my trials and experiences are what have strengthened my faith and helped me to become who I am today.  Standing for what you believe in only gets harder as you go through life, so don’t wait to commit.  The spirit will never lead you astray.  And choosing to trust in the Lord and listen to that still small voice made a real difference in my life.  
As a graduation present I received a gift that read, “I truly believe that one virtuous woman, led by the spirit, can change the world” -Elaine S Dalton.  At that particular time in my life I was struggling.  I remember feeling like I would never measure up in the Lord’s eyes and I was just so confused about everything in my life.  I read that quote and I realized that if I strive to do the Lord’s work then I could truly make a difference in the world!  And the same is true for you!  The world is a big place where dreams aren’t always reality and happy endings seem to be just in movies.  Where we are just a small voice in a sea of people going through life and we don’t really matter.  But we do!  Each and everyone of you can help change the world with the Lord on your side!  “For with God nothing shall be impossible” (Luke 1:37).
You will never have all of the answers in this lifetime.  And I know that sometimes that can be scary and overwhelming, but the answer can be found right there in the scriptures.  As Joshua 1:9 says, be strong and choose to be happy.  Be brave.  Have faith and don’t fear, for the Lord will be with you.  As long as you put the Lord and His gospel first in your life, everything will be ok.  Things will still be hard and your life may not turn out how you planned, but everything will be ok.  Heavenly Father loves and cares deeply for each and every one of us.  He listens to us.  He understands our struggles and fears.  And He answers our prayers.  It will be in the Lord’s time, but He does answer.  If we listen and have faith, we will watch as blessings beyond our greatest imagination are poured out upon us.
I have gone through a lot of hard times  in my life when I battled with depression.  Sometimes I feel very lonely and have a hard time staying positive and motivated, even with the things I love.  There have been days where the only thing keeping me going was the Lord and His gospel.  I find comfort in knowing that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father are always there.
We are reminded in the scriptures that the Savior “bore our griefs and carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4).  Not only did He suffer and die for our sins, but He went through every feeling that we would ever endure.  So He truly knows what we are going through and How to heal us.  Christ chose to suffer every pain imaginable so that He could better love and understand us.  So that He would know how to help us.  He is always there and always ready and willing to help if we would just ask.  
We are never alone!!  No matter what the world says or how lost we feel.  No matter what mistakes we’ve made or how many times we have turned our back on God.  No matter how unworthy and undeserving you feel, the Lord is always right there beside you.  He will never forsake us.  But we need to do our part.  We must be humble enough to ask for the help of the Lord and work to build a strong and close relationship with Him.  He might be almighty God, but He is also your Father.  He loves each and every one of us so much and desires to have a personal relationship with us.  The Lord isn’t too busy or important to come to know us, He desires to spend time with us!!  We talk to Him through prayer and show Him our love by the way we choose to live our lives, through our obedience.  He speaks to us through the scriptures, the spirit, personal revelation, and even other people.  
If you are feeling hopeless, don’t give up!!  “God sent you here to prepare for a future greater than anything you can imagine” (Uchtdorf).  And He chose to send you to this earth in one of the hardest times, the last days.  The fact that you are here right now means that you are one of God’s strongest and most valiant children!  He never gives us more than we can handle and He knew that you could do this.  He needs you during this time to share His gospel and stand for truth and righteousness.  The Lord knows you personally, inside and out, and He knew that you could do this!  He believes in you, so start believing in yourself!  From the words of general authority Jeffrey R Holland, “To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: hold on.  Keep trying.  GOD LOVES YOU.  Things will improve”.
I know that it doesn’t seem like it now, but life does get better!  Life is so much more than hanging out with popular kids, dating football players, and our grades.  Our future isn’t determined by how we were treated in high school or how the world views us.  We can always choose to pick ourselves up and start over, no matter what we have done in the past.  Because “the perfect place to begin is exactly where you are right now” and “now is the best time to start becoming the person you were meant to be”.  Don’t let the world beat you down!  You are a divine son or daughter of the living God!  He made you special in His own image and He put you down on this earth at this time for a reason.  He never said it would be easy, but He did promise to always be there.  
So many of the Lord’s valiant children get caught up in the world.  In how many likes we get, how much money we earn, who we know, and our worldly status.  We work hard to be the best at sports, hobbies, and musical talents.  And working hard to follow your dreams isn’t a bad thing.  Heavenly Father wants us to build upon and share our talents, but we must remember what is truly important.  We must never forget that our Father in Heaven must come first in all that we do.  We may go through hard times for being different from the world, but we will make our Heavenly Father so proud when we choose to do what is right.  And “the only opinion of us that truly matters is what our Heavenly Father thinks of us” (J Devn Cornish).        
Our worldly status might matter to those around us, but it doesn’t matter to the Lord.  What matters to the Lord is our love and kindness towards others and how hard we try to do better and strive to follow and obey Him.  When you get discouraged and feel like you aren’t good enough, remember that the only opinion that matters is that of your Father in Heaven, who knows you personally and loves you beyond measure.    
I believe that sometimes it is good to share the bad times too because even though our lives can be good, the depression, anxiety, fears, etc never fully go away.  We just learn to live with them and how to fight back...and sometimes we don’t.  Sometimes our demons win.  They may win battles but that doesn’t mean they win the war.  
Don’t let them win the war!  I know that sometimes it feels easier to give up and give in.  That giving up seem easier than getting up to fight each day.  I’m not going to lie and say that it won’t be hard or that the voices in your head ever disappear, but I know that it can get easier with the added strength of the Lord.  And that our effort to push away those voices every day will be worth it.  For some of us, life gets easier and the voices go away.  But for others, it is a daily burden that they must bear for the rest of their mortal lives.  I don’t know why some people can completely overcome their trials while others (who are just as good and faithful) have to keep fighting for the rest of their lives.  But I do know that God is at the helm.  He has a plan for us.  We just need to trust Him and do our part to keep fighting.
The world needs you!  It needs your ideas, your influence, and your love.  No one can take your place or fulfill your purpose on this earth.  Being a beloved child of a loving father in heaven alone gives you worth.  And whether or not you see it now, you are beautiful!  You are smart!  You are talented!  And most importantly, you matter!
I am sharing the following story not so that you will feel sorry for me but to help you understand that you are stronger than you think and you are never alone.  Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed and like you lost but that doesn’t mean it’s the end.  You don’t have to let the bad days get the best of you and you don’t have to let fear control you.  It’s not about living fearless, that’s impossible, but it is choosing to live in spite of fear.  To not let fear hold you back or chain you down.
There will always be opposition but don’t let the world bring you down.  With God all things are possible, so don’t give up on your dreams!  You don’t have to conform to the world.  You have the power to change and become your best self and you have the strength to create a beautiful life despite your demons.  
A few weeks ago I was feeling overwhelmed and done with life.  I felt worthless and all alone.  This wasn’t a new feeling for me, but that day the battle felt too tough.  I was mentally exhausted from fighting with myself about if I was pretty, why I didn’t have friends (or felt like I didn’t), if my family cared about me, if I was good at anything at life; the list goes on and on.  
I’ve done self harm before but it didn’t feel like enough to ease the pain.  I’ve overdosed but you still have to wake up and face your problems.  I pulled out a knife and cut but it didn’t make a difference.  I still wasn’t pretty, felt alone and invisible, and couldn’t name a thing I was good at.  I held the sharp knife to my throat, pushing in so that I could hardly breathe and my heart pounded in my ears.  I had a decision to make.  
I suddenly felt the spirit strongly.  The knife clattered to the floor and I fell down bawling.  I was heartbroken, overwhelmed, scared, and just feeling lost and completely alone.  I just wanted relief.  I wanted help and love.  To not hear the voices in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough and that I’d never measure up.  In those moments of hesitation I was reminded whose I was, a beloved daughter of God.  When we are hurting, our Father in heaven is pained.  Sometimes we get so caught up in the world that we forget our worth.  We forget that we have an amazing brother and Savior who suffered excruciating, incomprehensible pain so that no failure ever need be final and no mistake could hold us back.  
And on top of paying the price for all of our sins, He also willingly endured every feeling and pain we would ever experience so that He would know how to succor (help) us.  We are never alone!  No matter what we have done, where we are, or how we feel, we always have a Father in Heaven who loves us and wants the best for us as well as a brother and Savior who gave it all for us and understands exactly what we are struggling with.  That thought alone brings me to tears.  Oh how very deeply loved each and everyone of us is.  “Everyone loses his or her way at some point, to some degree.  It is the atoning sacrifice of the Savior that can return us home” (M Russell Ballard).

So those of you reading this and struggling, don’t give up!  Rely on the Lord and keep pushing forward.  It will be ok.  “Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven.  But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come” (Jeffrey R Holland).  Never stop working for a better life and a better you!  Don’t let anyone get you down or stop you from your goals!  The only opinion that matters is that of the one who made you and you are already doing better than you think you are!  Take a minute to close your eyes and just breathe.  Just take a break from the world and feel His love for you.  I promise that He is there today, tomorrow, and forever.  

Trusting in the Lord

      Things have been a little tough for me lately but I know that no matter what life throws at me or how I'm feeling (etc), it is important to continue pressing forward in the church and growing your relationship with the Lord.  Sometimes it is hard when you feel as if all of your effort is useless and Heavenly Father feels out of reach.  It is in these trying times that we need the Lord most.  Hardships don't last and our faith in the Lord can make them so much easier (even though it doesn't seem like it at the time). 
      Our Heavenly Father wants to be with us and bless us as much as he can, so if he feels distant it is usually due to a problem on our side.  We don't do it on purpose and sometimes we can't figure out why but no matter what, openly pray to your father in heaven, study his words in the scriptures, attend church, and trust in him. 
      I struggled recently with making major decisions.  I kept bouncing back and forth as I stressed about what would be best for my education, finances, horse, etc.  Everytime I thought I had it all figured out, I worried that it wasn't the right choice.  I prayed for guidance but I didn't feel like I was being answered.  I kept pushing on in trying to feel the spirit and listen to the Lord and eventually I was able to feel where I should go.  I was still a little nervous, but as soon as I started working towards the path I felt prompted too, everything started falling into place better than I could've hoped. 
      The Lord will never give up on you, so don't give up on him!  Trials and hard times will pass and a life with the Lord is far better than one without. 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."  -Proverbs 3:5-6

       So now my horse and I will be heading up to freezing cold Idaho to attend BYU-I in January!  I am beyond excited to get my prereqs for vet school and to be surrounded by amazing people!  Phoenix has never been outside of southern Arizona so I'm curious to how she will react to snow lol.  And I've become a desert rat so I better buy a jacket! 

I Need Thee Every Hour

    I’ve always liked the hymn “I Need Thee Every Hour” but now as I’m reaching adulthood and have to make what feels like a million important decisions, this hymn has taken a new meaning in my heart.  I often feel overwhelmed and confused about where I should go and what I should do.  The only comfort I have found that is unwavering is the Lord.  Because I know that if I put the Lord first and do His will above my own, everything will turn out ok.  

    Agency is a gift from the Lord and I am thankful for the ability to make my own decisions (as I’m pretty stubborn and therefore put up a fight if I don’t come to things on my own terms).  I understand that the Lord wants us to choose to do what is right and come unto Him and that we need our agency to learn and progress (which is a main reason we are here on the earth; to learn and grow so we can become like our heavenly father).  But when you have to decide when and where to go to school, what career to pursue, to go on a mission, who to date, who to marry, and important, life-altering decisions like these, I have found it is scary and confusing to desire to trust in the Lord but not being sure how to know which choice He knows to be best.  

    It is hard not to compare a choice where both sides seem good and like they could be the Lord’s will and not be sure what to choose.  It is ok to be scared to choose one due to missing out on opportunities of the other.  You don’t want to settle or sell yourself short but you don’t want to end up giving up what was important or the best path.  And you don’t have too.  

    The verse that comes to me when I am struggling with decisions and putting the Lord’s will before my own is Proverbs 3:5-6 which reads, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understand.  In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.”  I am comforted as I read that scripture because I am reminded that if I put my faith and trust in the Lord and rely on Him above man then He will help direct me to where I need to be.  

    No, I’m probably not going to have the Lord speak with me face to face and tell me what decisions to make, but I do know that I truly need Him every hour.  That even in the face of my greatest temptations and my hardest decisions, I can have Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ right beside me if I choose to live the gospel and draw closer to them every day.  

    I know that Christ lives!!  That He loves us so much that He willingly sacrificed himself so that we could be forgiven of our sins.  He suffered everything imaginable for us so that He could know how we feel and how to help us.  Christ and Heavenly Father are always there!  I don’t know where I want to go or what I want to do and I am stressed out by the thought everyday but I do know that if I strive to live the gospel and put aside my will to do God’s will, then I will end up where I need too.  I know that the right choice is the one that will bring me closer to my Father in Heaven and help me grow spiritually.  As Thomas S Monson said, “May we ever choose the harder right instead of  the easier wrong.” 

My Path

Sometimes it bothers me that I can't compete on Phoenix and that I just sit on the sidelines for rodeo and we tried the English thing lol. It can be hard to have dreams of competing at a professional level one day and realize that your path is leading a different way. It's been hard to chill on the horse front, in a competitive person by nature and sometimes I still watch everyone and I think I could do that if I kept at it working hard and maybe I could.

But when I took a step back horses changed for me. I no longer avoided my horse due to frustrations and we don't fight much anymore. I'm not rushing to make it to the next level or upset when I fall short of expectations because I now just take the time to work through things with Phoenix and just play and enjoy having a beautiful, loyal animal.

I can honestly say that taking care of a horse is almost as fun as running it and I hate to see the day when I have to board her due to school for a little while. I love that Phoenix nickers when I pull up to her gate and always seems happy to see me. I love caring for her and feeding her and cleaning her stall while I sing to her or have crazy conversations. While everyone is stressing out I try to forget the sadness of wanting to be out there competing because it is super fun but that's truly not where I want to go.

I love hopping on Phoenix bareback and just a halter and being able to trust her no matter what. Our bond has strengthened so much when I took a step back and the way we work together and how I see her is completely different. Just enjoying horses has made me a better person and helped push back the competitive, jealous, status focused side so that I can just be happy and enjoy life.

It's crazy that essentially giving up one of your dreams (or what you thought was a dream) has been the best thing ever for me. I didn't want to let go for a long time but I learned that I needed to listen to and trust God and even though I don't understand, he knows best. He knew I wasn't going to be my best self if I was always focused on rodeo and competing and I would have trouble with my dreams of a mission and being a good wife and mother.

I still struggle sometimes to look at the life I thought I always wanted and to accept that I needed to let go. I still enjoy local competitions but even then I get a glimpse of what can change me into someone I don't want to be and I'm glad that God loves me enough to redirect me when I didn't need what I wanted.

Do the things that make you happy on a spiritual level because those are the things that really matter. And make time for those who love you and are always there. The things of this world and status aren't bad and make you happy temporally but they don't last (and I'm not against someone who rodeos professionally I think it's wonderful!! Just wasn't for me 😉). What does last are families and the gospel.

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" Matthew 16:25-26

"Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through not steal.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." -Matthew 6:20-21

Mesa Temple Visit

       I had a lot of free time today, so I decided to visit the Mesa temple!  I just love love love the house of the Lord!!  As soon as I stepped on the grounds I felt peace and forgot about the cares of the world.  The love of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is very strong when you are at the temple.  I prayed hard and studied the words of God out in the beautiful nature at the temple and the spirit was so strong that I could imagine Christ sitting right next too me.  You can feel his presence so strong, you expect to look around and suddenly see Jesus step out from behind a tree or come down the path towards you.  I was once told that the Lord walks the halls of his house.  I haven’t been inside of a temple for a long time but I can testify that he walks the grounds.  I feel so at home at the temple, like it is where I am meant to bei.  It feels like I am at home and I imagine I am in the garden of Eden and God is right there with me and watching over me.  I almost feel like I could talk to Jesus or Heavenly Father face to face.  

One cool thing I’ve never really thought about before was that the temple is the one place on earth that satan can’t enter.  How cool is that!!  No wonder the feeling is so different!  The veil is thinner, the spirit is stronger as you leave the world behind, and the temptations and feelings of the devil can’t reach you!  If you ever need a safe place I could think of no place better than the temple.  How amazing it is to leave behind the thoughts and feelings of the world!  I find myself being a better person while I am at the temple.  My thoughts are always focused on God and I desire to help others and I want to smile and talk to everyone (which I’m pretty nervous about usually).  Things that I find hard out in the world such as focusing on reading my scriptures and talking to strangers comes easily while on the grounds.  I don’t want to compete with people but I feel humble and I am joyful about others.  I wish it was that easy to forget the feelings of the world that I need to work on while I was out in the world.  I’m human and sometimes I get too competitive, jealous, or care too much about status.  But at the temple those things are the farthest from my mind and I’m happy just being me.  I don’t wish to be above others of show off but I feel a love towards everyone and I just want to glorify God.  This is how I always want to feel, fore the way we feel while at the temple is the way of God and how we should strive to be always.  

In the visitor’s center I had some wonderful talks with the missionaries and saw some beautiful art depicting the life of the savior.  I watched a new meet the mormons clip on a horseman.  I always knew that horses were a beautiful creation of God.  That is one thing I love about horses, their beauty and being able to be in the beautiful nature God has created while out riding, forgetting the things of the world.  But something I was taught during the clip was that how we train and work with horses is how God works with us.  Not with harsh words and restraints but with time, patience, love, encouragement, etc.  And we are to be as we desire our horses to be towards us, humble, submissive, and trusting towards the master, the one who sees what we can’t and knows best.  This not only changed my view on how I am acting towards God and how truly amazing He is as a father, but it actually changed the way I worked with Phoenix.  I had more patience and understanding towards her.  I tried to be as I know Jesus would be with me, kind, gentle, understanding, and patient.  I put my trust in her and little by little I gave her more as she proved it, just as God gives us more as we are obedient unto Him.  

I have noticed that the more I visit and study the temple and realize the specialness and closeness to heaven at it, I am finding it harder to be away.  Being at the temple, about as close as you can get with God is the best feeling in the world.  I desire to draw that close to the Lord all the time but I haven’t got there yet.  It hurts to be more separated from the Lord when you know how it feels to be so close you can physically feel him.  I am trying to do better and be better and overtime hopefully I will improve on my spiritual goals.  Changing is hard, especially when you are trying to overcome the natural man, but I know that it is possible through the Savior, Jesus Christ.   

Temple Trip

    I was recently blessed with the opportunity to visit the Gilbert temple and it reminded me of how blessed we are to have temples!!  And I am blessed to live fairly close to a house of the Lord.  I wasn’t able to go inside like everybody else which made me sad, but I was still super excited to go because I knew that is the place I can go to feel the closest to my Heavenly Father and forget about the world for a little while.  I had a lot of time to think while I was walking around the grounds and I was reminded how uniquely beautiful temples are and how they stand out amongst the city backdrops they are placed into.  There are few places in the world you can go to and know that everyone will be kind.  Normally I’m pretty nervous around strangers but on the temple grounds you find yourself admiring and wanting to talk to and take pictures of everybody.  There is no fear only a sense of family and you are reminded of something you sometimes forget while being out in the world, we are all brothers and sisters and children of God.  

    As soon as you set foot on the temple grounds, you instantly can tell that you are in a special place.  The spirit is very strong and just being there feels different than being in the rest of the world.  Every little thing is beautiful and you can feel the love of your Father in heaven.  I wanted to look nice going to the temple and wear make up but due to some crazy circumstances (firedrills and whatnot lol) I had to just go as I was in the morning.  Now I don’t normally wear make up so I wasn’t freaking out but sometimes I feel insignificant or not as pretty as everyone else while I’m out in the world and I figured the temple is a beautiful place and I was going out for the day that I would try and look nicer so I could feel confident.  I was a little bit nervous to go to the temple with all the dressed up people and beautiful couples getting married and feel like I didn’t look good at all.  But a crazy thing happened while I was there, I forgot all about my fears and felt beautiful!!

    I think that sometimes when we are out in the world we forget our worth or we puttoo much of our worth into make up and clothes.  But while I was at the temple I felt beautiful and was reminded that I am a daughter of God.  That I have worth because he is my father not due to how I look.  We all brought our worth with us when we came to the earth and it will never change!  Being beautiful on the inside is what makes us beautiful in God’s eyes!

    I usually enjoy reading scriptures but I felt so at peace and ached to continue reading while I was at the temple.  It’s like reading came so much easier and I didn’t have anything else I was hurry to get to or would rather do.  It is really cool to read the New Testament and think about being in a time when Jesus was really there at the temple and teaching on the earth.  I could just imagine Christ being there and teaching the people, smiling and surrounded by children.  It brings tears to my eyes to think that Jesus is our shephard and he cares so much about each individual sheep that when I became a lost sheep, he left the rest of the herd and found me.  How much love he has to have for each of us to be willing to not only die for us and our sins but to do all that he can to bring us back home and go after us when we stray.  I gave up on me and the church for awhile but Christ and Heavenly Father never did.  Though the decision to come unto them had to be completely mine, they were always there waiting for me to reach out to them so they could love and help me.  How amazing it is to have a father and brother (and I’m sure a lot of people on the other side of the veil) who love you that much?!  

    Sadly, our time at the temple had to come to an end eventually.  I don’t have the opportunity to visit much but I’m going to make more of an effort to save money to come more often.  I never wanted to leave this place where I felt so much love and the veil seemed a little bit thinner.  A place where I was confident and felt beautiful and loved everyone who came through.  A place with no worries and a very strong spirit.  I ache to go back everyday since we visited.  

Being in the world but not of the world: sacrament talk

    I was asked to speak on “being in the world but not of the world.”  We hear this phrase a lot in the gospel but how many of us actively apply it in our lives?  We are here to do more than simply lead a happy life.  We have a work to do.  Sister Marriott reminds us that “we know the truth of the restored gospel.  We need to live it; we need to share it.  We must stand firm in our faith and lift our voices to proclaim true doctrine.”  And then she asks, “Are we ready to defend that truth?”  

You probably noticed, but the standards of the church and society, while once were compatible, have a growing chasm between them.  Our high standards are tested and challenged each day and we have to decide what is more important to us-popularity or righteousness.  Thomas S Monson stated, “As we go about living from day to day, it is almost inevitable that our faith will be challenged.  We may at times find ourselves surrounded by others and yet standing in the minority or even standing alone concerning what is acceptable and what is not.  Do we have the moral courage to stand firm for our beliefs, even if by doing so we must stand alone?”

In the words of Sheri Dew, “We are here to influence the world rather than to be influenced by the world.”  And Elaine S Dalton reminds us that “if we wish to make a difference in the world, we must be different from the world.”  Heavenly Father wants us to keep our high standards and obey his commandments, but that’s not enough.  He also asks that we are a good example and an influence to those around us.

In the For the Strength of Youth, it explains that we are responsible for the choices we make.  God is mindful of us and will help us make good choices even when friends or family use their agency in ways that aren’t right.”

John 15:19 reads “If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.”  Though originally directed towards the apostles, I believe this scripture can very much apply to our lives.  We stand out as disciples of Christ and sometimes the world doesn’t like that.  But that’s ok because what is most important are the things of heaven not the things of the world. Jacob 2:18-19 says “Before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.  And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches if ye seek them; and ye seek them with the intent to do good.”         

The protagonist in the movie God’s Not Dead 2 was being persecuted by the world for sharing her beliefs and she proclaimed “I would rather stand with God and be judged by the world than stand with the world and be judged by God.”  Jesus reminded us in Matthew 13 that the gospel is worth everything and we must be willing to give up the things of the world for what is truly important.  “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your father which is in heaven.” -Matthew 5:16

As explained in 1 Nephi 12:17, the devil’s game plan is to blind the eyes and harden the hearts of the children of men, to lead them away into broad roads where they perish and are lost.  That sounds pretty frightening but Elder M Russell Ballard encourages us to remember who we need rely on.  “God’s plan is in place.  He is at the helm, and His great and powerful ship flows toward salvation and exaltation.  Remember that we cannot get there by jumping out of the boat and trying to swim there by ourselves.”

We live in a noisy and busy world where, if we aren’t careful, the things of the world can drown out the things of the spirit.  Elder Ulisses Soares gave the following warning.  “We cannot allow ourselves to be confused by popular messages that are easily accepted by the world and that contradict the doctrine and true principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Many of these worldly messages represent nothing more than an attempt of our society to justify sin. We need to remember that, at the end, all will stand before Christ to be judged of our works, whether they are good or whether they are evil.  As we encounter these worldly messages, great courage and a solid knowledge of the plan of our Heavenly Father will be required to choose the right.”

One common theme that seems to keep coming up during this talk is having courage.  Because it is hard to go against the world and stand up for truth and righteousness.  Our testimonies are our shields that protect us from satan’s fiery darts (ephesians 6:16).  

A good example of someone in the scriptures who had great courage was Captain Moroni.  Just a young man, he had the courage to defend the truth during war that put his whole nation at risk.  Though brilliant at his role and exercising his responsibilities, he remained humble.  He was an “instrument in the Lord’s hands.”  The book of Alma explains that if all men had been like Moroni, “the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; and the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.” All of Moroni’s attributes stemmed from his great faith in God and in the Lord Jesus Christ and his firm determination to follow the voice of God and His prophets.  Put on the armor of God and strive to be a modern day Captain Moroni!

Heleman 5:12 advises us to build our foundation upon Christ so that when the devil and his storm of temptations can have no power of you.  Jesus Christ and his teachings are the only foundation we can build upon that “if men build they cannot fail.”  Sometimes we need to take a step back from the world and remember what is most important; look at things with an eternal perspective.  

In Matthew 14, Christ walks on water and Peter desires to go out to him.  Peter goes out into the storm and focuses on the raging storm instead of Christ.  And he starts to sink just as he feared.  Christ says, “Oh thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?”  If we have faith and focus on Christ and the gospel instead of the world and the storms surging around us, Christ will help us to “walk on water.”  We start to sink into the world when we doubt, focus too much on the things of the world, and lose faith.  Keep Jesus Christ at the center at the center of your life and and he will help you as you go through trials.  

This next quote was originally directed toward women but I think it rings true for all of us.  Margaret D Naudald said “Women of God can never be like the women of the world.  The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender.  There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind.  There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.  We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith.  We have enough greed; we need more goodness.  We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.  We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

And to the men Thomas S Monson exclaimed, “We who have been ordained to the priesthood of God can make a difference. When we maintain our personal purity and honor our priesthood, we become righteous examples for others to follow and we help to illuminate an increasingly dark world.”

As stated by L Tom Perry, “our homes must be holy places in order to stand against the pressures of the world.”  We are told that through simple, consistent acts of family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, great things can be brought to pass.  “Look upward not outward for approval” and strive to keep the commandments of the Lord and you will find that he is there to help us always.  

In Young Womens, one of my leaders gave a great analogy about being in the world but not of the world.  Imagine the world as a chocolate chip cookie.  We are the chocolate chips!!  We stand out from the world and don’t form to the rest of the world.  And of course we are the sweetest part of the cookie!!  In the words of Dr.Seuss, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?!”

I am going to leave you with a quote from Thomas S Monson.  “You be the one to make a stand for right, even if you stand alone.  Have the moral courage to be a light for others to follow.  There is no friendship more valuable than your own clear conscience, your own moral cleanliness-and what a glorious feeling it is to know that you stand in your appointed place clean and with the confidence that you are worthy to do so.”

    I know that the only way to truly be happy is through the gospel.  It can be hard to give up things of the world but I know that when we work hard to change and be obedient, the Lord adds His strength to our efforts.  He is always there and we can always choose to turn to Him.  We will be blessed as we gain an eternal perspective and focus on what is truly important.  Nothing is worth giving up your eternal salvation.  

The Mockingjay Part 2: how going to the movies changed my perspective

Who knew a mere trip to the movies could have such an impact.  I can’t begin to describe all the feelings and thoughts that were swirling around in my head as I watched the Mockingjay part 2.  Let’s just start with I will never look at life the same way again.  I’ve been working hard lately to strengthen my relationship with God as I get ready to go out into the world.  I know I need his strength and guidance and I’m already lost at where to start my journey.  Tonight, thanks to the final Hunger Games movie, I saw through God’s eyes and it was the best and worst moment of my life.  

    I know that we have soldiers overseas, people suffering at home and far away and I always have felt bad but tonight it really sunk in.  People past and present facing the horrors of war, children left helpless without parents, families without food to eat or proper health care.  People taking the lives of others.  No matter what anyone has done in life, no one deserves to die at the hands of another.  The effects of revenge are anything but pretty and even though it might not feel like it at the time, it is still wrong.  

    The Mockingjay part 2 gets very intense and I started to picture our soldiers watching each other die without being able to do anything to help, hearing the ear splintering screams of someone suffering to death just an arm’s reach away.  I wanted to jump into the movie and tell them to all stop killing each other.  It was awful and I almost had to leave.  It was endless killing, revenge, suffering, and I was crying practically the whole movie.  Imagine children around the world going through terrible ordeals at the merciless hands of others while starving, freezing, hysterically afraid.  I think sometimes in our comfort lives we forget just how real all of these things are to the people around us.  

Acts of terrorism, kidnappings, rapings, murders, wars, hunger, etc.  The list goes on and on and tonight it all just clicked.  It felt too real and I felt like I was going through each horrible second of it in real life.  I don’t wish any of this suffering on anyone and  I felt helpless.  When I started to think about what I call “troubles” in my life, I started to feel ashamed.  I was all worried about stupid things like how my hair looks, my FB profile, wanting more than a bowl of chocolate ice cream, but there are people all around me suffering in one form or another.  And the worst part of this realization, I have no idea what to do about it.  Why has God given me this revelation?  What does he want me to see?  To do?  Just competing on horses and watching movies seems insignificant and silly with all of these things going on in the world but I don’t think God wants me to give up on my rodeo dreams either.  I’m struggling to grasp what God wants me to get out of this and will definitely be praying for guidance.    

I do know one thing.  I have a new perspective.  I can get over not getting to do what I want all the time and appreciate spending time with my family.  I can make people smile and not care too much about what I look like but rather how I act.  I want to make people feel like they matter and help them out as much as I can.  I don’t know where the road will take me but I do know that I can go out of my way to be kind, positive, and share the gospel.  Maybe with time God’s purpose will be revealed.  I can’t imagine how he feels having to watch all of this all the time going on in our world.  Just catching a glimpse of it for an hour was awful, it must be heartbreaking for him to watch his children sometimes.  But I do know that God watches over us and cares for us with a love that never stops giving.  Jesus Christ suffered for us so that we may be forgiven of our mistakes and make it back home to them in heaven.  

I do not know why everything happens the way it does or why there is so much terror in the world right now but just have faith, pray, keep the commandments, and strive to be the best that you can be everyday.  God has a plan for you and if you listen he will help guide you to a destiny beyond your comprehension.  I was definitely humbled by this experience and I can’t believe some of the things I take for granted.  

Here is a quote I remembered while thinking through all of this from Russel M Ballards conference talk “A plea to my sisters”.  “Are you finished crying?  Then go to work!  You need to learn more.  If you quit now others will have to painfully learn what you already know”

Music

One of my favorite things in the world is music.  I love music!  Over the years I have added hundreds of songs to my collection and I can sing almost every one.  There are tons of different genres and sounds to choose from (and I love them all) but I have come to realize that now is the point in my life where I need to be choosing and solidifying the standards I would like to live for.  Sadly, due to some of the music being released, you can’t just buy music because it sounds cool anymore.  As I started to sit down and take the time to listen to the lyrics of many of my favorite songs I soon came to realize that a lot of them actually went against my standards and talked about things I was strongly against.  Sure the beat was great but I knew I needed to get rid of music that highlighted things I didn’t believe in and sure it’s just one cuss word but it takes away the spirit.  

    I know our choice in music doesn’t seem like a big deal while in fact the opposite is true.  We hum songs while bored at school, listen to them while we drive, and dance to the new releases.  Whether you realize it or not, when you listen to music you are subconsciously taking in the message it is portraying, whether good or bad.  It was hard for me to get rid of some of my favorite songs but as I rebuilt my music collection and added new music I noticed that the wholesome music I was listening to was not only making me happy and allowing the spirit to stay but just made my days better.  In times of trial or fear I found myself humming songs of faith and encouragement instead of songs that added to my pity or had a bad attitude towards my situation.  

    I personally love to start my day off listening to the K-Love and Air One radio.  I’ve never really listened to Christian music because I loved hymns (and church music) but I wanted fun, upbeat songs to dance to throughout my day.  Upon the discovery of K-Love and Air One I came to the realization that there is a lot of good contemporary Christian music out there!  It is by listening to artists like Tobymac, Mercyme, and Matthew West that I have changed my view on life and worked on making the gospel the central part of my life.  

For those of you a little skeptical of listening to Christian music I encourage you to try it out because it was the best discovery I ever made.  But good, wholesome music can come from all artists of all genres so don’t think that filtering the music you listen to means to restrict yourself to just Christian music.  

    One of my favorite genres (besides Christian music) is country.  I love artists such as Luke Bryan, Blake Shelton, Hunter Hayes, Easton Corbin, and Tim Mcgraw who have upbeat, appropriate music that have nothing to do with Jesus but still positively affect my day.  Sometimes some of the artists release one song that makes it onto the “take away from the spirit” list or has vulgar language.  It stinks because usually the song has a great sound and I own all of the other songs by the artist but I find it best to just get rid of the song.  You can love and artist and genre, just choose wisely what songs you are singing along too.  

I promise you that as you work on surrounding yourself with wholesome music with appropriate language and uplifting messages that you will start to notice a positive change in your life.  You will be more happy, positive, and kind as well as feel the love your Heavenly Father and Savior has for you as you invite the spirit throughout your day.  I know it can be tough for those music lover out there but I challenge you to go through your media and take the first step towards changing and improving your life!

Some of my fav artists

• Matthew West
• Tobymac
• Mercyme
• Newsboys
• Easton Corbin
• Tim Mcgraw
• Pentatonix
• Hunter Hayes
• Britt Nicole
• BYU Vocal Point
• BYU Noteworthy
• The Piano Guys
• Lindsey Stirling
• Josh Wilson
• David Archuleta
• Taylor Swift
• Big Daddy Weave
• Colton Dixon
• Hollyn
• Jamie Grace
• Lecrae
• Jordan Feliz
• The Nashville Tribute Band
• Sidewalk Prophets
• For King and Country
• Twenty One Pilots
• Switchfoot
• Jamesthemormon