Heavenly Father gave me this light and His love, and if I don’t share it then what is the point? We aren’t here just for ourselves, we are here on this earth to make a difference. Our purpose is to bring other unto Christ and to uplift and edify those around us. I have been so focused on myself that I missed the bigger picture, life isn’t just about me. My conversion is important and a continual process, becoming a disciple of Christ is a lifetime pursuit. You have to keep feeding the fire for the flames to burn bright.
But I realized that my life isn’t so different from everyone around me, I just make it seem that way. Everyone has fears and insecurities, and everyone has struggles, trials, and bad days. I shouldn’t just give in to the pit of despair because I have something special, I have Christ. Why should I lay around in tears when I have the Lord on my side? Life is tough, it was designed that way, but there isn’t anything we can’t do without the help of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Though I don’t love all the mistakes I’ve made or wish for the return of my trials, I am thankful for the hard times I have been and continue to go through. They are a blessing. Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows the desires of our hearts, understands what we are going through, and wants to help us learn and grow.
I am so thankful for the bad times because I always came out better. I learned so much from having to struggle and sometimes we hate having to work hard for something because it gets a little tough, but it is how hard we have to work to get there that makes the end result that much sweeter. The struggle is worth it. God knows that our lives will be tough, but He also knows what is best for us. And what is best for us might be hard times, but they help us to learn, grow, strengthen our faith, and depend on Him (as we should strive to do at all times, not just the bad).
I have been blessed with trials that I may have to deal with for the rest of my life. Somedays I smile and have some fun and others I can’t even get out of bed. I feel lost and hopeless. Like a failure. Dumb, fat, ugly, not worth it, all of it. I’ve felt that. I sometimes still feel like that. But I don’t want to just sit back and let these thoughts control my life. They aren’t from my Father up in Heaven, but from Satan. There are times when I wish all the depression and anxiety could be taken from me and that I could be different and like those around me. But I am coming to realize that I have been given a gift.
The force that drives me to change and continue working on myself and gives me the desire to become more like Christ is my trials. If I hadn’t been at my lowest, I might never have turned my life over to God and realized that I desperately need Him in my life, even when things are good. And I can use my struggles to make an impact on those around me. I know how life feels when you can’t understand why you feel like you do and you wonder if you’re worth it or you can’t find the motivation to even do the things you love. I know what it feels like to hate yourself and wish you were like the people around you or smaller, prettier, smarter, etc. I’ve been through not being able to reach your goals because you realize that you always give up when things get tough and that you have never finished anything in your life, and you wish you had the perseverance to work hard. I know what it feels like to be at a time when all you can muster up is the desire to want to draw close to the Lord and become better.
I realized that the Lord doesn’t want me to go through life only thinking about myself. When I really look at it, my struggles aren’t that bad, I’m just too busy focusing on the negatives. I have an opportunity to learn and grow and become better from these hard times. And I have the desire to use what I’ve been through to change the lives of others. Life is about the people around you, and it has taken me a long time to realize it. It is still going to take a lot of work and time for me to be the person I want too for Christ, but you have to start somewhere and you have to start now. I want to smile at people when I pass them in the halls, and be kind and helpful to strangers. I want people to feel comfortable with me and to know that I care and am always there to help. I want people to be able to talk to me and cry on my shoulder and to be able to comfort them and give them strength.
I’m just one person and I’m not famous, but I can still do so much! I don’t have to be special or have lot’s of money to help people. I don’t have to travel to third world countries to make a difference. The people that could really use your help are the people around you. And I realized that I was letting the opportunity to serve and make the difference that I always wanted pass by. I was always so focused on going to where people need help or on not being good enough to make a difference or letting my social anxiety and fears rule my life. But I don’t want to be like that anymore.
I am taking a stand today to go out everyday and be a positive impact on the people around me. To not focus on the bad but to strive to be a positive person who is close to the Lord and shares His love with those around me. I can do so much if I just stop focusing on myself for once and get to know people. I pray that I can change to become more like Christ and truly make a difference. I know that serving the Lord is what makes me the most happy and I want it to be the focus of my life, not an afterthought. I don’t need to be scared to be myself because what makes me different is what I can use to inspire people around me. And that is what I truly want, to be like Christ and to inspire people. To inspire people to become better and to be themselves, to stand up for what they believe and to turn away from the world and towards Christ.
I hope that in time I will truly change myself and my heart and be the person the Lord want and knows me to be. I want to make my Father in Heaven proud and be like Him. To make it back to Him someday and be exalted, to live like Him for eternity. And I want to help as many people as I can make it there with me.
