I visited the Rexburg temple today and I had a touching experience. I visit the temple at least once a week since it is just up the street from my dorm at BYU-I and I also come back filled with the spirit and having learned something, but today was extra special.
I was waiting outside the font, watching others be baptized when I noticed something about one of the women as she stepped into the water. She was like me. She had battles and struggles that left her feeling helpless and angry at herself. And she had fresh cuts made only a few days before. Her arms were covered in scars but here she was smiling as she felt the love of the Father in that special way that can only be felt in the temple.
I admired this woman that I had never met as she bravely revealed her struggles just to have that peace and comfort of serving in the House of the Lord. It was only several weeks ago when I was ashamed to put on those white clothes that revealed my own healing scars. I was afraid of being judged or treated differently due to something that I hated about myself. But all I felt was love. Love from the temple workers and other children of God there to serve. And the strong, unmistakable love of my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ. Love filled with the spirit that could comfort the darkest fears.
Well today I felt the same thing, but for this woman. I was filled with such a strong love for her and I realized that when I went through similar struggles, this was how Heavenly Father felt towards me. I didn’t think she was gross or looking for attention or crazy, I simply wanted her to know that she is loved and that it gets better, that she can do this.
I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to her in front of everyone and I have no clue what she was struggling with in her life or what she needed, but I did smile at her with love as she left in her longsleeves after she had finished with baptisms. Here are some of the things that I wished I had been brave enough to say and that I say to all of you who are going through similar things in your lives.
It is all going to be ok. There will be good days and bad days, easy days and hard days, days that you feel like you beat this and days that you don’t even know how to get out of bed. But I promise that if you turn it over to Christ, He will support you in your trials and always be there for you. To love you when you feel unloveable, to help you feel your worth when you feel worthless, and to comfort you when you feel lost, scared, angry, or ashamed. He is peace, hope, and unceasing love. No matter how you feel, what you’ve done, or where you are in your life, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are always there and always wanting to help you, you just have to ask. When times get tough or you are about to go over the edge, pray. Pray hard. It sounds too simple, but I can’t begin to tell you how many times just praying for help to know what to do or to feel their love has saved me.
Sometimes just feeling that strong spirit reminding you that you are a beloved child of God, with infinite worth and potential, who is loved beyond comprehension with all your flaws and mistakes, is enough to help you step back from that ledge and keep fighting. He is always there. It hurts him when we are hurting, especially when we hurt ourselves. Our bodies are special gifts from our Father in Heaven and we were made in His image; do you think that it doesn’t pain Him to see you hating and harming yourself?
You are so beautiful in the eyes of the Lord! You have so many amazing talents and each and every one of us have a work to do on this earth. If you are struggling, turn to the Lord and if you can, go to the temple. Pray for guidance and comfort and trust the one who knows what is best. The one who loves you with no bounds and wants to see you truly happy and return to Him one day. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, for life is all about challenges. But I do know that the easiest way to go through life is with the Lord. Put His gospel first in your life and have faith to follow Him when things get tough, and you will find happiness. One day you will wake up and realize that your Father in Heaven was there all along and He has blessed with a greater life than you could’ve ever imagined!
I know these things to be true because I’ve seen this principle work in my own life. I still mess up and have those days where I’m done with life, but as I work to turn away from the world and put the Lord first in all things, I am immensely blessed in all areas in my life. And looking back at where my life was before I turned it over to the Lord, I am ever grateful that we all have a loving Father in Heaven and a brother and Savior, Jesus Christ, who is always there and willing to guide us. I am blessed with a life that I feel is greater than what I deserve because through the Lord, all scars can heal, both spiritual and physical.
I will probably always have some scars from the battles that I have fought, but the longer I go without creating new ones, the more strongly I feel love for the Lord, for helping to heal me so that I don’t feel the need to make myself bleed anymore to release the pain. I still go through scary times in my life where I feel overwhelmed and not good enough, but I know that with the Lord on my side, everything will turn out ok in the end. That no matter what happens, I am not forgotten, but I am loved. I have worth even if no one else sees it. And I don’t need to settle for less because the Lord has great plans for me (and for you too!). All I have to do is remember Him in all that I do.
Today, I felt so much love towards a woman that I have never met that I cried for her and prayed that she would know of her worth and feel the love of the Savior and her Heavenly Father. We are here to uplift each other. To help each other to learn, grow, and endure to the end with love and kindness. It is never too late for us to start becoming who we want to be and to turn our lives around. Change is always possible through the Savior, Jesus Christ.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6
"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30
"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30
