Learning

            I spent a lot of my life struggling with depression and anxiety. Struggling with myself and my thoughts and with people. Recently a lot has changed for me because of Christ. Because I decided that I didn’t want to live my life the way I was. I wanted to be happy. I was tired of having breakdowns everyday. And of worrying about everything under the sun, everything I didn’t have control over.

             I wanted a change. I wanted to change. It’s only been several days haha so I have a long ways to go but already my life is so different. I put God first everyday and I work hard to find ways to serve others because I’ve realized that I love people and I love helping people. And I want to continue to become better with that.

             I’ve learned that positivity is key and so is filling your days with uplifting people, media, and activities. That trials are blessings that help you become more like Christ and that happiness can be found in everyday, no matter how things have gone.

           I’m learning to live in the moment and to just live by faith and with hope instead of by fear and with doubt. To roll with life because nothing ever goes the way you plan.

           I’ve also discovered that its ok to cry and feel emotions. Emotions have power. They help us to learn and find motivation. But if we let them, they can also be crippling and paralyzing. Life is so much better laughing, even through the hard times

          You can’t do everything and there never seems to be enough time in the day. I’ve learned that what matters is not that you did everything but in what you chose to do. If you put God first and loved others and did your best, then it was a good day.

           I’ve realized that Heavenly Father and Christ are there in all the moments in everyday. I just didn’t see it before. I spent too much time seeing the bad and fearing that I missed the good and the beauty. We live in a beautiful world and are surrounded by amazing people. No one is perfect but overall people are good and they try so hard. 

          The secret to life is that people change people. And what matters is what we do for others. Love is always the answer, it is how we are patient, caring, helpful, and break down those walls. It is how we truly care about others even when they are difficult or not kind to us. Contention only brings more contention but love brings the spirit and peace.

           I’ve learned that life is so much more enjoyable when you don’t worry about what everyone else thinks about you. It’s freeing to just be yourself and truly love yourself for who you are, flaws and all. When you start to see yourself and others through Heavenly Father’s eyes. And you realize that you’d rather be your silly self and love for Christ than live a life trying to be someone that you aren’t.

           There is peace in Christ. That is what I have learned overall through the last several weeks. That no matter how good or bad things are doing that Christ is always there and He is the source of true joy and peace.

           Because of Him I have no reason to fear, no reason to worry about the future. Because of Him I can try again when I make mistakes and I can find strength beyond my own in the toughest of times.
All I need to do is move forward with faith, work hard, and trust God. If I live for Him I know that everything will work out. Maybe in a different way than I had planned but they will work out in the best way for me.

           I love this life and I love the people that I am surrounded by. I am so blessed in many ways. I go to a great school and have the opportunity to do the emt training that I’ve always wanted to do. I get horse and dog time and the chance to work sometimes and it’s the best.

           I have amazing roommates who I just adore and get along with so great and friends who care and allow me to be myself. I live in a beautiful place where the weather can get a little unpredictable haha but when the sun is shining it is so breathtaking and perfect. I live close enough to walk to a temple where I can draw closer to God and gain spiritual strength.

          I am blessed with enough time to get the important things done and to not become so stressed that I give up. I have an amazing ward and bishop and love my new calling and the girls that I get to work with. I am able to wake up everyday and feel joy. I am able to look into the mirror and smile and love who I see. I am able to see God’s hand in my life and feel Him beside me everyday.

            I still have questions and fears and don’t know what I’m doing with my life haha but now I feel peace. I don’t have to have all of the answers. I don’t have to have a set plan that I follow every second to be happy.

           Things don’t have to work out when and how I think they should for me to have a good life. Challenges are good and so is growing outside of my comfort zone. I know what is important to me and what I want in this life. I know who I want to be and the type of people I want to surround myself with. Life isn’t perfect but life is good

Me just being silly in the morning in my pajamas haha

Changed Through Christ

          Life can be tough sometimes and it can be a challenge to overcome the past and to begin to see ourselves in the eyes of the Lord.  It can be tough to not let who we used to be not prevent us from becoming who we want to/have the potential to become. It can be hard to come out of tough situations and believe that there is something better. A better situation. Better people. A better you. A better future.


          Hardships can change us and shape us into some of the most beautiful, understanding, caring, and empathetic people if we let it. Because we’ve been there and we know how hard it is and we don’t wish that pain upon anyone else.


          When you hit rock bottom and literally have no where else to turn, that is when we find Christ. Our testimonies can grow so strong out of terrible situations because, not only do we believe the gospel is true, but we need it to survive. We need the savior and His gospel like we need air.


         At that dark time in our lives, Christ was the only thing that could help us hold on. The only thing that offered any sort of relief, comfort, and peace. That made us feel like everything was going to be ok. And once we find that in our lives (love that will never go away, never let us down), we never want to let Christ go.

   Because of Christ, we can be healed.  We can feel comfort in the darkest of times.  We can be forgiven and overcome the past.  We can continue on after some pretty hard experiences.  We can be made whole.  We can feel true joy.  Christ suffered and died for you because that is how much He loves you.  That is how much you are worth to Him.  You can move on from the past and spring forward into a bright future because of Him.     


   We all have a lot to work on and it can be so so hard to change and let God mold you into a new person. It is a long, slow, and sometimes painful process (a lifelong process), but it is definitely worth it.


          We need to be open to seeing our flaws and willing to put forth the effort to change. This can be so hard but it is a necessary part of being a disciple of Christ. We will never stop learning and growing and becoming something better if we are truly converted to the Lord.


         Seeing where we need to improve is important, because this is a gospel of change. We are always in constant motion, there is no standing still. You choose whether you are moving forwards or backwards, closer or farther from Christ and Heavenly Father, by the choices that you make. We cannot just be content where we are and stop trying.


          But in saying that, it is also good to remember how far you’ve come and to not let how much farther you have to go overwhelm you. I personally struggle with this and am constantly overwhelmed by the daunting task of becoming like my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have the desire but I am weak and have so far to go. I often let fear paralyze me.


          Heavenly Father doesn’t expect us to be perfect right away. He does expect us to be trying hard to be better, but He doesn’t expect us to be like Christ right now or even in a few years. He doesn’t care where you are at in the gospel but in how far you’ve come, how hard you try, and in what direction you are going. That’s it.


         The goal isn’t to be better than someone else or to look like a saint on the outside. What matters is our own personal progress and our hearts. Heavenly Father knows us and our hearts. He know the situations that we come from and the trials we’ve been through. The mistakes that we’ve made. The effort we are putting in. Our desires and goals. And He knows just how far we’ve come and how far we are willing to go on the path of discipleship


         People may judge and we may struggle, but what matters is what the Lord thinks (and he judges differently than man).


“The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”  -1 Samuel 16:7 

     We may have a hard time living all of the commandments or developing the qualities of Christ but what matters is that we are trying. He knows you and loves you and He knows just have far you’ve come. Others may look at you and think “wow they aren’t good at that yet”, but the Lord knows our hearts and what we are working hard to improve. And His opinion is the only one that matters.


          I know that if we are willing to truly humble ourselves before the Lord and ask to see our weaknesses and if we are willing to listen to the spirit and put forth the effort to slowly change and become more like Christ, that we will truly begin to change and fulfill our eternal potential.


          We will find strength beyond our own as we genuinely turn to the Lord and ask “what lack I yet?” (Matthew 19:20). Through faith in Christ, His Atonement, and our own hard work, we will find the strength of the Lord. He will add His power to our efforts and magnify them, make them something greater than we ever could on our own.


          And little by little we will become almost unrecognizable in the Lord. We will become a new creature as we are born again and changed through God (Mosiah 37:25-26). And how beautiful that is.