Fear vs Faith: how I made a tough decision

I’ve let most of my life be run by fear.  Because fear is a good motivator.  Everybody has them and everyone runs from them for at least a little while.  Then there comes a time when you realize that you have to face your fears.  You cannot change and grow into the person you were meant to be if you let fear stop you.  Fear paralyzes us and keeps us from growing our comfort zones and from strengthening our weaknesses.

 Do you want to know what an even greater motivator than fear is?  Faith.  Faith is how we stand strong in the face of fear.  Because nothing gives us more courage than trusting that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have got our backs no matter what.

Neil L Anderson reminds us that “fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time”.  They are opposites.  We must replace our fear with faith in Christ.  We won’t know everything, but we should have a strong testimony of Christ and His gospel so that we can have the faith to rely on Him and continue forward.  Then we will be able to say as Nephi did in 1 Nephi 11:17, that I don’t know everything but I do know that God loves me.  And that is enough to take one step forward in faith.     

Changing our fear into faith can be hard and is a slow process at first, one that I have only just begun.  But it changes your perspective of the world.  Instead of running from a challenge, you run towards it.  Instead of worrying about failure, you just give it your all and know that God has a plan.  You pray for help and guidance and you are willing to put the Lord’s will above your own, even when it is so tough.  Sacrificing for the Lord is worth it because you know that when you follow Him, everything will be ok.  We will still experience hardships and trials and tests of faith, but if we remain steadfast, everything will work out for our good in the end.   

I’ve had some pretty tough decisions to make lately.  The most recent being if I was going to head back to school for winter semester or wait a little longer.  I prayed hard and asked God to help guide me and I kept receiving the answer that either choice would be ok.  I had to make the decision for myself and that was scary for me.  I changed my mind everyday and was paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong decision.  Again and again, Heavenly Father reassured me that all would be well.  I want to stay because I am scared of going back to school.  I had left the previous semester early due to mental health issues and I hadn’t done well in school.  I fear that I will flunk out or not be able to handle the social situations.  I am an Arizona girl, so I fear being in the frozen Idaho tundra.  I also am not sure what to do without being able to box everyday or have my family with me.  

I could totally stay and I think everything would still work out good, God has told me as much.  But I also know that I don’t want to keep living by fear.  I want to live by faith.  And I know that I need to be in Idaho.  Heavenly Father has always told me that Idaho is where He wants me to be. I need to stop questioning every little thing and just move forward in faith.  Sure I don’t have all of the answers but God does and He is right there beside me.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ won’t leave me alone.  They are always there to comfort, strengthen, and guide me.  

Luke 1:37 states that “with God all things are possible” and I want to start living by that.  I am terrified to go back to school and to continue pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, but I know that I can do anything with God’s help.  I can pass this next semester.  I can make friends.  I can share the gospel.  I can do anything the Lord asks of me because He will always provide a way.
 I am scared, but I am going to face my fears and go back to school at BYU-Idaho.  I don’t know if I’m ready, but I do know that Heavenly Father and Christ will be with me every step of the way.  It is hard for me to put the Lord’s will ahead of my own sometimes, but I need to have faith that He knows what is best.  So watch out Idaho, I’m coming back!!   

New Year, New Me

I’ve been struggling to move on from the past, especially when it comes to boys.  I have been working hard to change and start my life on a new path.  I have been learning to be confident in myself and to love myself for the person that I am, to depend on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and turn to them in my struggles instead of boys, and to make my own happiness.  I still have far to go and a lot to learn, but I am proud of the progress I have already made.  I am a completely different person than I was 6 months ago and my whole world is changing little by little everyday.  

But I still struggle.  I still have bad days, get depressed, and hate the person that I see in the mirror.  Some days I struggle with my self esteem and I’m even scared to talk to people or to speak up in class.  I still get super depressed and have panic attacks and battle with myself about self harm from time to time.  I still have a fear of the dark and some nights I barely sleep because I am filled with so much fear and flashbacks of some dark things of the past, things I wish I could forget.  I struggle with feeling lonely and repeatedly having my heart broken by guys who don’t treat me the way I deserve.  

I have grown so close to my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ since I have decided that I wanted a better life.  When I was forced to leave school half way through the semester and come back to Arizona, I was really struggling with my testimony.  I was at a low point in my life and struggling to deal with so many things that I had pretended never happened, even to myself.  I was living with a mental illness that I didn’t even know that I had until I attempted to take my life.  I just checked out from life for awhile.  I layed in bed, I skipped classes, I didn’t go out with friends, I faked a smile around my roommates, and I just cried and slept day after day.  Life passed me by and I didn’t care.  I didn’t go to church and my grades started slipping and I just didn’t care.  

Because I stopped caring and going to church, I also stopped being motivated to read my scriptures and to pray.  If I didn’t care then why would God care?  I knew the gospel was true but I was so ashamed of myself that I stopped caring.  I started to question everything and I lost the feeling of the spirit.  When I got home, I was a mess.  I was upset that I wasn’t finishing the semester with my friends and that I was back home where I struggled so much and was surrounded by some of the toxic people that had added to my problems in high school.  I wanted to be anywhere but here and I honestly still struggle being at home.  I slowly turned to the Lord and realized that the dumbest thing I could do during this hard time in my life was turn away from God.  

I started reading my scriptures and praying daily again and I attended church and the temple weekly.  I poured out my heart and soul to Heavenly Father, often sobbing as I knelt down beside my bed.  Honestly I still am frequently down on my knees bawling as I pray to my Father in Heaven.  Because life is hard.  And it’s supposed to be that way, but we aren’t supposed to do it alone.  I could not have changed so much or overcome all that I have alone.  I know that it is only through Christ that I was given the strength and guidance that I needed to turn away from the past and to start becoming the person that I wanted to be.  Honestly, I am scared of so much, but I feel my Savior beside me everyday, encouraging me to keep going and keep trying to become better.  

Only the Savior can heal my broken heart and help me to move on.  And I can feel Him doing that each day as I continue to turn to him and plead for His help through the Father.  It is only through the support, love, and mercy of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that I have come this far and am able to carry on.  On the days that feel like too much, I turn it all over to God and remember that He loves me and has a work for me to do.  I have worth in His eyes no matter what others think.
  My relationship with Heavenly Father and my Savior has strengthened so much over these past several months.  As soon as I decided that I wanted to change and put in the effort to be happy and valiant, I felt the heavenly help and comfort of my Savior. I am so thankful that He is there and that He truly understands everything that I’m going through.  I have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who know my potential and believe in me, what can’t I do with them on my side?

I have far to go, but I am looking forward to the new year.  This is going to be my year.  I am going to say goodbye to the toxic people in my life, especially the boys who have mistreated me and continue to play games with me.  The ones that I should’ve said goodbye to a long time ago.  I am going to heal my heart from the past and focus on the future.  I am going to be a valiant disciple of Christ and daughter of God.  I am going to live worthily and happily no matter what trials life throws at me and I am going to stop settling on everything in my life.  I am going to start believing in myself and work hard to accomplish my dreams.  

I will live for the Lord and make Him proud.  And I will not wait around for a guy to make me happy or to feel amazing about myself.  I am in no rush to be in a serious relationship and when I do get into one, this time it is going to be with the right type of man who lives by the spirit, loves God, and treats me right.  It will soon be a new year full of new possibilities and a new mindset.  And this is just the beginning of the new me.      

This picture accurately portrays my true silliness and who I want to be all the time

Attitude and Discipleship

I was listening to a John Bytheway talk the other day and this talk had such an impact on me that I felt the need to write about it.  Being someone who goes to a church college (and loves it!) I see many people who are valiant and doing their best to live for Christ, but I also see many who take the gospel for granted and have a bad attitude about it.  I see so many kids in high school and college who walk a thin line between what is good and bad simply because their hearts aren’t fully converted.  They like the gospel but they don’t want to fully live its teachings in every aspect of their lives.  

Brother Bytheway captures this perfectly in his talk entitled “Get an Attitude”.  He says that many young people in the church have the bad attitude of how bad can I be.  They want to know how far they can go before it is too far to still be considered worthy in the Lord’s eyes.  This is such a bad outlook to have on life.  When you look at the gospel in this way, the commandments seem restricting and you feel like you are missing out in life if you try to be too good.  You don’t want to be bad, but you don’t want to be what others consider “too good" either.  People like this have one foot in the world and one in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  They walk a thin line of discipleship.

Instead of asking how bad we can be, we should be asking ourselves how good we can be.  I know sometimes people in the church can get a bad rap for seemingly trying to be “too” righteous or for being what others consider a goody two shoes.  Because the world teaches us that it is cool to live on the edge and be a little rebellious.  It isn’t cool to follow all of the rules and try to be perfect.  But true disciples of Jesus Christ don’t keep His commandments and strive to be like Him because they want to show off or think they are better than anyone.  They are obedient simply because they love the Lord.  And when you love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ with you whole soul, you desire to please them and to become more like them.

We should do things in the gospel because we want to, not because we have to.  We don’t have to go to seminary and institute or read our scriptures daily or serve a mission or share the gospel.  And we shouldn’t do all of these things just because someone tells us to.  If your heart has truly been changed by the spirit then you will want to go above and beyond to serve others and to live by the spirit.  Because being fully converted to Christ and His gospel changes your heart.  The commandments no longer seem like a long list of restrictions but they offer you freedom from the chains of sin and bring you true lasting happiness.

Next, John Bytheway asked a question that changed my life.  He asks, “do you have favorite sins?”  Take a moment to think about it.  We probably all have at least one sin in our life that we know we shouldn’t be doing but we really like it.  Maybe we watch a tv that are inappropriate or we cuss because everyone else does.  Maybe we don’t care about modesty because we love fashion and it is in to wear immodest clothing.  Maybe we drink coffee every morning because we like it and feel like it’s not really that bad for you.  Whatever it may be, we all have favorite sins, things we know are wrong but we don’t want to give them up.  

Then Brother Bytheway asked an even more impactful question, “what would you give up to know God?”  Would you give up your worst tv show?  How about your favorite dress or that cd you’ve listened to since you were a kid?  
When I first heard this talk, it really made me stop and think about my life.  I considered myself to be a righteous saint.  I read my scriptures, prayed, and attended church.  I tried to be kind to others and I loved Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  But when I really thought about it, I realized that I was guilty of holding onto favorite sins simply because they brought fleeting pleasure or because everyone else in the church was doing it.  I personally struggled with media and modesty when it came to favorite sins.  I didn’t watch anything that was rated R or wear ridiculously skimpy clothing, but I realized that I wasn’t doing my best to become a better disciple.  

It doesn’t matter if everyone else in church is listening to that one song or watching that one tv series, if you feel the spirit whisper to you that you can do better and should change something in your life, you should listen. No one can tell you what to do, we all have agency. And I’m just a teenage girl, who I am to tell you what to do? I know that sacrificing the things of this world to be closer to my Father in Heaven and my Savior was the best choice I ever made.  And I’m not perfect, I still struggle to let go of media or to not buy the newest fashions.  But I work really hard to constantly go through every aspect of my life from music to books to clothes to make sure that I am living in such a way that allows for the spirit in all that I do.  I want to live in a way that is pleasing to God and allows me to feel close to Him at all times.  

I woke up one day and decided that I didn’t want to have a mediocre discipleship, I wanted to be all in.  It was a slow process of changing my heart to value the things of the Lord more than the things of the world and it is still something that I am working on. Because being a disciple of Christ is a lifelong process.  You don’t just reach a certain level and then say “I’m good”.  You have to wake up every morning and make the choice to follow the Savior and to put your spiritual armor on to protect you against the things of satan.  Because he will always be trying to drag you down so you will be miserable like unto himself.  Some days I feel satan pulling at me really hard and I have to turn to the Lord for the strength to stand strong against the temptations that are hardest for me.

Sometimes people make fun of me for trying to be “too righteous”.  People who I go to church with every week and who live the gospel too.  That seems to be a common thing in the church,for people to actually tease those who to are trying so hard to be like Jesus and to be worthy. But Brother Bytheway assures us that there is no such thing as being too righteous.  We are all at different levels in our discipleship and our conversion and we should never tease someone for trying to improve.  That is why we are here on this earth, to learn and grow. Ant that is what the Lord has asked us to do.  Article of Faith 13 describes this well, "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”  We are meant to be different from the world!      

Living for Christ will never be easy.  Heck, Christ’s life was anything but easy.  But I promise that all of the sacrifices are worth it.  Maybe you won’t look cool to the world, but I promise that nothing compares to living a virtuous life.  Nothing compares to having a rock solid relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and knowing that you are worthy in their eyes.  

Child of God

You are a child of God.  It doesn’t matter what race, gender, or ethnicity you are.  It doesn’t matter what country you live in or what type of situation or family you come from.  It doesn’t matter what you have done in your past or where you are going in the future.  You, just for being you, are a child of God.  A son or daughter of a Heavenly King.  How amazing is that?!  Just take a minute to think about that.  

There is power in knowing whose you are.  In knowing that you have a divine identity and you are loved by the one who created it all.  I know that when I remember that I am a child of God, it changes the way I see the world and the way that I live.  Because I no longer have to be afraid.  I don’t worry about what others think about me or try so hard to look or act the way the world tells us is cool.  I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me so much for just being myself.  I don’t need make up, to have a perfect life, to have a certain amount of social media followers, or to wear a certain size of pants to have worth in my Father’s eyes.  Remembering that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are always there and that they love me for who I am and how I look gives me power.

I am filled with confidence in social situations where I am seen as different than what the world deems cool.  I am filled with courage to stand up for what I believe in even when I am alone because I know that I have the Lord right behind me.  Walking away from people who don’t hold the same standards that I do suddenly turns from scary to desirable because even though I may lose a few friends, it is worth it to me to have the spirit with me always and to surround myself with people who will respect my standards and help me to live them.  

I no longer feel like I am missing out on parties and events just because I stay at home reading or hang out with my family.  I love going out but I have learned that I would rather feel lonely at home but listen to the spirit than go out and find myself in situations that tempt me to compromise my standards.  That used to be super hard for me.  I liked being involved and feeling like everyone really liked me.  But I learned that staying close to Heavenly Father and having His spirit with me is more important than being popular.  

Sure, I feel like I miss out sometimes because I don’t watch or listen to a lot of the media that is popular nowadays and I no longer go out with people that don’t allow me to have the spirit.  I do feel lonely a lot and that can be hard.  But it is worth it.  It is worth waking up everyday and knowing that I am worthy in the Lord’s eyes.  It is worth not losing the spirit for a few hours when I go out with the wrong type of people.  You should definitely be kind to everyone and even friends with most, but that doesn’t mean that you have to spend time with people who make you feel uncomfortable, pressure you to lower your standards, or don’t allow you to feel the spirit.      

When this life is over, we can only take 3 things with us: our character, our intelligence, and our relationships.  That’s it.  The world is often so focused on looking successful, earning a certain amount of money, having the newest technology and the coolest clothes, etc.  But in the end, none of that matters.  None of it truly matters.  What does matter is who we are.  How we live and who we are striving to become.  What does matter is what we have learned and how we use that to continue progressing.  What does matter is how we treat people, especially those that we love.  These are eternal.  

Everything else in life fades away.  Trends change, hardware breaks, and money comes and goes.  When we die, nothing physical goes with us.  But who we are, what we know, and the people that we love are eternal.  How are you living?  How are you acting?  What are your goals in this life?  What is most important to you in this life?  Who are you living for?  And where is your heart?

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”  -Matthew 6:21

It is easy to get caught up in material possession and having a cool car and a big house and the newest clothes, etc, but in the end, that stuff isn’t what is truly important.  And when you remember that you are a child of God, that you have divine potential and a purpose, it changes your world.  It makes letting go of possessions and staying away from temptations easier.  It helps you to realize that you are beautiful just the way you are and that you have worth even if no one else sees it.  As you draw closer to Christ, your desire to become like Him deepens and how you treat those around you changes.  Suddenly being kind to others is more important than being right.  Being virtuous is more important than being popular.  

When you realize who you are and that you are never truly alone, it is powerful.  You suddenly realize that anything is possible with the Lord on your side.  

Living the single life

I thought that it would be a good idea to write about rocking the single life since it seems to have such a negative connotation nowadays.  Because for me, choosing to be single for awhile and to focus on living for Jesus and learning to love myself was the best decision I ever made.  What I say applies to guys too, but I am going to write from the women’s point of view since that is what I know.

         I want to start by saying that being single doesn’t have any affect on your worth.  The most beautiful girl inside and out can not be in a relationship and that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with her.  I think a lot of times we see people who are single for long periods of time and equate that to meaning that there is something wrong with them, that there must be a reason that no one is dating them.  But that isn’t always the case.  Sometimes it is just not their time to  settling down and other times, it is because they haven’t found the right man to match their standards or who is compatible with them.  

        There is such a great pressure in our generation to be in serious relationships starting at a young age.  It is like you aren’t cool if you’re single.  But again, your worth has nothing to do with your relationship status.  I personally think everyone should experience the single life for awhile before getting into a serious relationship because of how much it can help you learn and grow as a person.

I was that girl in high school and the beginning of college who was always dating someone.  It wasn’t because I couldn’t be on my own, I just liked being with boys and they helped me to feel like I had more worth.  This lead to a lot of unhealthy relationships and didn’t help how I viewed myself at all.  I basically depended on the relationships I was in to make me feel like I was worth it and to make me happy.  

        I have been living the single life for awhile now and yes, it was hard to be on my own at first, but honestly it is the best decision I have ever made.  I realized that I am not ready for a serious relationship.  When you are single, you continue to learn and grow so much personally and discover more about who you are while working towards who you want to become.  There is no one holding you back or judging your every move.  There is also no one to support you or do the work for you, so you have to learn to be independent and to work hard for yourself.  You have to motivate yourself everyday and keep yourself focused on your goals.  You have to clean and cook and keep pushing yourself to not give up.

I have found that it is in the hard times when you feel like you just can't carry and that you are alone that you truly learn to depend on God.  We often turn to Him when times are hard.  If we have a strong relationship with and learn to love and trust Heavenly Father (instead of depend on boys) during the hard times, then we can continue to have a strong relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ when life is good and full of blessings.        

        When I was constantly in a relationship, I never learned to push myself because I either had a guy tell me that I was good enough how I was or who motivated me.  Being on my own, I have learned perseverance and how to motivate myself.  I don’t rely on boys to make me happy anymore.  I create my own sunshine and I love myself for who I am, not for who guys want me to be.

So many times I’ve been with boys who wanted me to look a certain way, dress a certain way, and do my make up a certain way because they like it.  I want to be myself but that can be so hard to do when you are still trying to figure out who you are and what you like.  And it is so hard to experiment with and discover your identity and wardrobe when you are dating someone because they will most likely have a preference on your style.  I had my feelings hurt so many times by boys who wanted me to wear more or less makeup or who didn’t like when i did anything with my hair or who didn’t like my favorite outfits.

But now that I am single, I can wear what makes me feel confident.  I can love myself without make up, but I can also have fun with my hair and makeup when I want to dress up and not worry about being judged.  I can figure out who I am without having a guy judge me for how I look on the outside.  I have learned how to be confident in myself and love myself for who I am and how I look.  I used to hate how I looked because I always felt like I had to live up to the expectations of the boys I was dating.  Now I can be confident in  and stay true to myself.  I can find a guy who likes me for who I am and doesn’t pressure me to be who I’m not or make me feel bad for being myself.  

Another thing I find that can be hard when you are constantly in a relationship are expectations.  Once you and your man know each other very well, there seems to be a set expectation on who you are and how you are going to act.  This, in my opinion, makes it very hard to continue trying new things and changing yourself.  As someone who is learning to live with a mental illness and truly be happy, as well as continue progressing as a disciple of christ, I find that I am always wanting to try new things and work on developing better habits.  I am always working to improve my attitude and my outlook on and reaction to life. I like adventure and trying new things with an open mind because you never know what might change your life for the better.

I have found that continuing to progress while in a relationship can be a challenge.  For me, it was hard to keep changing because the boys I was with didn’t want to continue changing, they were fine where they were at.  So when I kept working on myself, we wouldn’t be compatible after a while because i was a different person than when we first started dating.  Also, we all have behaviors and habits that we don’t like in ourselves and desire to change but I find that can be hard to do when someone always expects you to react a certain way or not like certain things.  Instead of letting you work on improving bad behavior, they either avoid what caused it or grudgingly always expect it.  It can hurt and make it hard for you to change when the boy you are dating doesn’t give you a chance after you mess up.  

Another thing that affects whether you are single or not is finding the right guy and it being at the right time in your life.  Believe it or not boys, sometimes girls choose not to be in relationships!  When your standards are high, it can be hard to find the right type of guy to date.  I believe that it is getting harder and harder to find righteous young men (and women for you boys) as the world is growing more wicked.  So many great men (and women) get lost in the ways of the world and don’t live up to their potential.  I would rather be single than settle for a man who doesn’t hold the same standards that I do.  I almost settled before because I just wanted to be loved, but it isn’t worth it.  

Girls, it is not worth giving up your standards to be with a boy.  If he is the right one, he will have similar standards.  Now, keep in mind there is no such thing as the perfect man.  But don’t sacrifice what you want most in this life for what you want now.  If religion is what is most important to you in a relationship, then don’t sacrifice a righteous man for a man who is a good person but doesn’t care about God just because you are lonely.  Set your standards before you start dating and hold fast to them.  No boy is worth lowering your standards for, I don’t care how cute he is.  

For me, the struggle is with men who aren’t of my faith.  There are so many great christian men out there who would treat me well and make me happy, but having a temple marriage and being united in our faith is a deal breaker for me. I want to marry a man who is a worthy priesthood holder in my church.  I advise you to think about what is most important to you in a relationship before you actually get into one.  I can’t tell you the number of times I fell for good men who weren’t compatible with me spiritually.  And since spirituality is a big deal to me, this led to many relationships turning sour and hurting both me and the boy I was dating.

I could’ve saved everyone a lot of heartbreak if I was clear and upfront about what was important to me at the beginning.  This would’ve led me and the boy I was dating to not invest so much time in a dead end relationship.  Not pursuing a serious relationship can be hard when you have deep feelings for someone, but girls, I don’t care how hot he is.  If the boy you want to date doesn’t live up to your standards, stay away from him.  Don’t compromise just because you are lonely or he is cute.  It is not worth it.  (same goes for you young men with the girls you date).  

It will be well worth all of the struggles of being single when you finally find the right guy for you.  But this will happen in God’s time and when you are ready.  I cannot stress the importance of timing enough.  Being a mormon, it is common for adults in my church to get married at a young age.  I see nothing wrong with that as long as the timing (and the person) is right for you.  It is so easy to get caught up in the excitement of being in a relationship, but I urge you to consider if you are ready for that in your life.  If you are, go for it!  And if you aren’t, that is ok!  There is nothing wrong with staying single.  I almost married the wrong man simply because everyone else was getting married and I wasn’t keen on being on my own.  Now I realize how important it is to be in a relationship for the right reasons.  It was hard to break off the engagement and then proceed to stay single (I’m still not dating haha), but it was the best thing I ever did.  It was the right decision for me.   

You experience and learn so much living the single life that you can’t while seriously dating someone or marrying before you are ready.  I highly recommend living with roommates and learning to be independent and to do hard things and believe in yourself before dating seriously.  A man doesn’t complete you or should be the only reason you are happy, he should complement/add to you and your joy.  If you can’t be happy while single, you aren’t ready to be in a relationship.  Just like worth, your happiness has nothing to do with your relationship status.  If you aren’t happy while single, dating someone is not going to make you happy.  Only you can make you happy.  I recommend that you learn to love yourself and be truly happy on your own first.  That was the best thing I ever did (and honestly it’s still a work in progress).

I suppose i just wrote a random rant about boys and dating, but I felt is was something that needs to be talked about.  Being single can be a great thing and I really do think that everyone should experience that season in their life.  Where you just have fun with friends and learn who you are and focus on your goals.  I also think it is important not to rush getting into a relationship just because everyone else is doing it or you are lonely.  God has a different plan for each of us.  Dating and marriage will be different for everyone.  

It is important to know what you want in your future spouse and to live up to your standards, no matter what they may be or how hard finding the right person seems to be.  Settling is not worth giving up what you want most in this life.  Family is everything.  And who you marry becomes your part of your family and life forever.  Who to spend the rest of your life (and eternity) with is one of the most important decisions you will make, don’t take it lightly.  It is good to take your time and meet a lot of people

My philosophy is: everyone gets a first date but not a second.  I like to give everyone a chance with a casual date, but I won’t give him a second date if he didn’t have the same standards as me or I didn’t get along well with him.  I think causally going on lots of dates with different boys is good because that is how you meet people and learn what you like and want in a spouse.  Don’t move onto seriously dating until you are ready emotionally and you have found the right person.

I have settled in the past and it was not worth it.  It set me back a lot and I had to learn to see worth in myself and to live up to my potential once the relationship was over.  It did more harm than good to both of us when I was in a relationship just because I didn’t want to be single.  If he doesn’t have similar goals and standards to yours or doesn’t treat you right, then he isn’t the one.  I don’t care how hot he is or how much you love him, please don’t settle.  You have so much potential, don’t give it up for just any guy.  It took me so long to come back from doing just that and it hurts me to see other girls stop progressing and reaching for their dreams because their man is holding them back.  You want a man who supports you and helps you to keep working on yourself and your goals (same goes for you gentlemen for the type of women you want).  

The best thing I ever did was take some time to be on my own and learn who I was.  I found my worth in Jesus and not in what the world thought of me.  I started to be more positive and to love what I saw in the mirror, even without makeup on.  When you find your worth in Christ, you always feel beautiful because that is how He always sees you.  You are always beautiful and worth it in Christ's eyes, no matter what.  He died for you because He loves each and everyone of us so much.  Don't ever question your worth or let a guy convince you that you aren't enough.

I also want to say that there are great guys out there.  I just have been discouraged because I haven’t had the best experiences with guys.  I settled when I shouldn’t have and spent so much time trying to please the wrong type of boy that I lost myself.  But that doesn’t mean there aren’t great men out there who do have manners and live high standards and work hard.  They do exist!  Don’t give up.  

Stop living for wanting to be in a relationship and enjoy the single life while you have it.  Because once it’s gone, you can’t get it back.  Go learn who you are and what you like.  Love yourself and learn to work hard and how to keep going even when things get tough.  Be silly and love life.  When the time is right, you will meet the man (or woman for you men) who will make all of the loneliness and heartache worth it.  But until that day, embrace the single life because there is nothing like it!    

I have so much fun just being silly with my roommates!

This picture may look silly but it means a lot to me.  It is
when I stopped living for boys and I found my worth
in Jesus.  I started loving myself and seeing that I
had beauty for who I was

What I learned from When Life Gets Tough Conference: happiness and trials

The theme of the when life gets hard conference was definitely happiness.  Hank Smith started us off by reminding us that happiness is a choice.  How we choose to feel on the inside is more impactful and important than what happens to you on the outside.  The circumstances around you and the trials that life throw at you don’t have to have a major affect on you if you choose to be happy and depend on the Lord.  It could be the worst week in the history of bad weeks, but it could also be a happy week if you choose to make it that way.  We practiced training our brain to see the good in crazy or bad situations, something that I want to work to apply that into my everyday life.  Habits take time to develop but training your brain to see the positive side to every situation would be well worth the time.  So much of life is our outlook and I am known for dwelling on the negatives.  How much happier I would be if I counted my blessings and looked at the bright side of every situation!

Brother Smith also touched on the lie many of us believe known as the deceitfulness of riches.  This is when we live thinking that our happiness is dependent on money and material things.  And that if you made more money or had the coolest new gadgets then you would be happier.  This is so not true!  I admit that this is a worldly lie that I have given into myself and lived by, but I don’t want to continue living like that.  Because depending on worldly things to make you happy is not going to bring you a fulness of joy, ever.  No matter how much I get, it will never be enough because there will always be more money and new technology within my sights.  I will waste my life trying to achieve worldly status and basing my joy and worth off of things that in the end, don’t even matter.  Even though it may seem like it at times, money does not make us happy.  Why spend your whole life working so hard at something that doesn’t matter?  You do need to make money to survive, that is true, but you don’t need to make a certain amount of money to be happy.  You can choose to be happy right now, exactly how you are.

Brother Smith then spoke on the poison of living life by the illusion of I’ll be happy if/when.  That is when we keep saying we aren’t happy now but we would be happy if our circumstances change.  When we are married, when we make more money, when we move states, etc.  This is such a toxic way of thinking!!  Don’t live your life wishing away your days for perfect circumstances.  If you are unhappy now, you will be unhappy no matter the circumstances that you are in.  You can choose to be happy no matter what and you can be truly happy in any situation.   

Though happiness is a choice, Brother Smith listed some things that help contribute to our happiness.  The first is one that we can’t do too much about, our DNA.  Our genetics can determine part of our tendency to be more sad or happy all of the time.  But that is only part of it (50%).  Despite our DNA, we can still choose to be happy!  A small portion is also our circumstances (10%) but it is only in extreme cases such as  coming into or out of poverty that have a great affect on our ability to be happy.  The other 40% is based in the activities that we choose to do.  Things that help our mood to be more positive and uplifted (according to science) are spending time outside, listening to uplifting music, exercise, and having a good diet.  I have definitely noticed that as I have done all of these things, my mood has improved.  

I would also like to add prayer, reading scriptures, attending church, spending time at the temple, serving others, and having a close relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  Because it doesn’t matter what is going on in my life, I cannot have the spirit and stay sad for long.  Doing all of these spiritual activities has helped me to readjust my mindset and have a better outlook on life.  Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and I am happiest when I am worthy in His eyes and living for Him.  When life doesn’t go the way I plan, I can still be happy because I know that the Lord has got this and everything will be ok if I keep doing my part.  

Here is a quote that Brother Smith shared that I really liked:

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen.”  -Elizabeth Kubler Ross

I just love that and it is so true.  Part of why we have trials in this life is to help us learn and grow.  If we stayed in our comfort zones and had everything handed to us, we would feel happy enough I suppose, but we wouldn’t ever experience a fulness of joy or fully appreciate what we have.  The deeper our sorrows, the greater our capacity to feel joy.  It takes hard times and struggles and loss to mold us into better people.  It takes working hard and depending on the Lord for us to not take our blessings for granted and really appreciate the simple things.  We can’t know happiness without feeling sorrow.  I have found that the most kind and caring people are those who have struggles in their lives.  They know how challenging life can be and they not only want to make the most of it, but they also want to bring joy to others and help those who are struggling.  Empathy is a powerful thing and can only truly be achieved through experiencing hardships in our own lives.

The next speaker was John Bytheway.  He opened by talking about how when we were children we used our imaginations to play but now that we’re older, we use our imagination to worry.  We need to stop reliving the past and stop excessively worrying about the future (it is good to have goals and to be prepared, but not to anxiously analyze our future).  Live in the present because once it is gone, it’s gone.  Each day is a gift and we need to stop wasting it.  Earlier I spoke about not living for riches or by the idea that I’ll be happy when I get something or go somewhere.  Brother Bytheway added another toxic way that we shouldn’t live by and that is waking up everyday and saying that someday we will get to our dreams.  Someday I’ll write that book.  Someday I’ll graduate.  Someday I’ll start learning how to play the guitar.  

Brother Bytheway shared this quote that is really straightforward about how we need to take action and stop procrastinating our lives:

“One of the great tragedies we witness almost daily is the tragedy of men (or women) of high aim and low achievement.  Their motives are noble, their proclaimed ambition is praiseworthy, their capacity is great, but their discipline is weak.  They succumb to indolence.  Appetite robs them of will.”  -Gordon B Hinckley

If that doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what will.  I know that it has motivated me. How do you like being told that you are a man of high aim and low achievement, that you have great potential and goals but you fail to properly execute them?  That your laziness robs you of fulfilling your potential.  Ouch.  But this is something that we need to hear because honestly, achievement is hard.  Learning and growing and changing is hard.  It is much easier to stay ignorant and continue being lazy, but that isn’t who God has called us to be.  

We need to stop putting off our dreams till tomorrow.  Because soon, tomorrow becomes never.  Don’t procrastinate your achievement!  The only thing stopping us from fulfilling our goals is fear.  So many of us miss out on opportunities simply because it seems daunting.  We let fear convince us that we aren’t good enough to reach our dreams, so we never end up trying.  Or we just give up when things get tough.  But it is in overcoming the struggles on the road to achievement that make us that much more successful.  And it makes all of our hard work worth it.  

Brother Bytheway made an awesome acronym our fear.  He said that fear stands for false expectations appearing real.  We often give up when faced with fear but more often than not, the fear is just in our head.  It is what we expect or believe will happen so we let it fool/scare us into thinking that we will never be good enough, but that isn’t necessarily true.  Yes we will have failures, losses are part of life.  It is from the failures and trials that we learn and grow so much and work even harder to persevere.  And each failure brings us one step closer to success.

Look at Thomas Edison for example.  He attempted to make the light bulb over 10,000 times before he finally succeeded.  It was probably really frustrating to keep failing at his goals to make electricity available to everyone, but he didn’t let that stop him.  Every attempt that didn’t work brought him closer to fulfilling his goals.  Imagine if he had become discouraged after a few tries and had given up, we might never have had electricity!  As Babe Ruth said, “it’s hard to beat someone who never gives up”.  

  Brother Bytheway also talked about the importance of spending our time wisely.  So many of us spend too much time on social media and watching tv and not enough time working towards our goals and fulfilling our potential.  And I liked what Brother Bytheway said about that.  He said, “spend your time working on your dreams instead of watching other people live theirs”.  It sounds kind of obvious, but it is so true.  I realized that this is something I struggle with.  I watch tv shows instead of working on my own book and I look at other people reaching their goals on social media instead of working towards my own.  

It can be so easy to get caught up in the world and what everyone else is achieving.  And it can become discouraging to see the results of so many people as they live their dreams and have a flawless social media page.  We feel like we could never be them.  But that is so not true!  We just need to stop putting off reaching our own goals because we are so consumed with what others are accomplishing in the world.  Admiring and supporting others’ achievements is good, but don’t let it stop you from living your dream.

I know for me, I let the fear of not being able to achieve what appears to be (or I convince myself is) an impossible task stop me from even trying.  But Brother Bytheway shared this quote that really changed my perspective on how to face daunting goals.  

“Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.”  -Henry Ford

Brother Bytheway described it like this.  Sometimes when we look at a goal that we want to accomplish we can easily become overwhelmed.  But instead of looking at it as this huge, impossible task that we have to accomplish, we can break it up into small pieces and turn that large goal into a bunch of little goals that build up to the overall goal.

An example would be desiring to become a doctor.  Thinking about all of the school and the interviews and training and studying and years it takes to become a doctor can be a little overwhelming.  But it feels more doable if you break it up into simpler pieces.  Just make it through undergrad school with good grades (or even each semester or individual class if that’s still too overwhelming).  Next,  just getting into medical school and passing.  Then, graduating from medical school and getting into a good intern program.  And so on and so forth (I’m not a medical major so I’m not exactly sure of the process of becoming a doctor, but you get the idea).  This can even be applied to smaller goals such as learning how to play an instrument.

Our goals that seem too far out of our reach are only unreachable due to our mindset.  We tell ourselves that we will never be ever to get there, but when we break it up into smaller pieces, suddenly an impossible dream becomes a doable goal.    

The next topic that Brother Bytheway touched on was joy (are you starting to see a pattern here lol).  He also stated that joy is a choice that we can make every day. Here is a quote that he shared which really helped me to better visualize this idea.  

“Between stimulus and response there is a space.  In that space is our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and freedom.”  -Victor E Frankl

  We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can choose how we react to what happens to us.  We always have a choice.  We can choose happiness.  We can choose to have a sense of humor no matter the situation.  

There was this super cool analogy that Brother Bytheway shared with us about how we can live our lives.  He asked us how we view ourselves-as the victim, survivor, or the hero.  Here are the definitions he gave us of each of these roles:

Victim- downtrodden, always under the influence of someone, some problem, or some force

Survivor- Those who seek constantly to stay afloat amid unending difficulties, challenges, or disasters

Hero- Those who have discovered the strength, skills, and understanding to enjoy a rich, full life-despite horrific problems they never thought they would be battling; desires to help others by sharing what they have discovered

I know that there are times in my life where I have cast myself as the victim.  I blamed all of my problems on someone or something else and I didn’t work hard to resolve them myself.  I have also lived at times in my life as the survivor.  I had the motivation to keep going amidst trials and I started taking some responsibility but I still didn’t fulfill my potential and rise above the hard times.  I barely stayed on top of my struggles.  I honestly have never lived as the hero, but that is something that I want to strive to be now.

 I don’t want to let my past or the struggles that I face hold me back.  I have learned so much from all of the hard things I have been through, whether I brought the trials upon myself or if they were out of my control.  And I wouldn’t be the person I am today without all that I have been through.  I have a choice in who to be.  I can let all that I’ve seen and done in my life bring me down or I can use it to help me develop into a better person and to motivate me to help others.  I am tired of being the victim who doesn’t have control over her life.  I am tired of being the survivor who barely gets through every day and is rarely truly happy.  I want to be my own hero and take charge of my life.  Who do you want to be?  

“No one can go back and make a brand new beginning, but all of us can start where we are to make a brand new ending.”  -Maria Robinson

It is easy to get caught up in the world at times.  It is so loud and can often drown out the spirit if we are not careful.  But we need to remember to keep an eternal perspective.  We only have so much time on this earth, do we really want to look back one day and realize that we never gave attention to the things that were truly important?  We need to remember to have a strong relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  To love our families and serve others.  Because after this life, nothing goes with us except for our character, love, and families.  

Life can be tough, but if we turn to God, we will be ok.  We can overcome our challenges and live a full and happy life despite our circumstances.  We can pray and turn to the scriptures and go to the temple for comfort.  All of these things are powerful and can bring peace to our souls.  I know because I rely on scriptures, prayer, and the temple to help get me through every week.  I don’t know where I’d be without Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  

Meg Johnson was the last speaker and she was so inspiring. When she was in college, she accidentally jumped off of a cliff while hiking and the accident left her a quadriplegic.  Adjusting to life after that ordeal was not an easy experience and I’m sure she still has days where she struggles.  But Sister Johnson does not let her disability define her or stop her from achieving her goals.  She spoke of the importance of turning to God in our trials.  The last place we want to be when we are struggling is far from Heavenly Father.  Only He can provide the comfort, peace, love, and guidance that we desperately need during those hard times.  It is often the hard times that help our relationship with our Father in Heaven to grow.  Because that is when we realize that we can’t do this alone.  Life is tough, but we weren’t meant to do it alone!  

Something else that Sister Johnson said that I really loved is that it is up to us to change our life.  People can try to help us, but if we don’t let them, then nothing will ever change.  We can be in the worst circumstance but if we choose to, we can make the most of everyday and work hard to change our lives, no matter where they are at.  We can love our circumstances, no matter what they are, and find joy in each day even when they are tough.  Each day is a new reality, a new day to face our fears and accomplish our dreams.  Don’t let one bad day ruin your whole life.  Don’t let a physical or mental disability define your life.  You really can start over each day and create a new life for yourself.  

And if you are feeling down, one great way to turn your day around is to serve someone!  I know, it sounds crazy.  You feel like you are the one needing service when the days are long and your cheeks are tear stained, but the best thing you could do for yourself is go out and find someone to serve.  Nothing makes me happier than loving someone and making them smile.  It really fills your soul with joy to know that you made a difference in someone’s day, no matter how small.  And often, God answers our prayers through others.  We can go out and be the answer to someone’s pleas to Heavenly Father.  We can be their angel.  And when we really need it, Heavenly Father will send someone to help us out.  He does hear and answer our prayers.  I testify of it!  I’ve seen it in my own life.  Prayer is powerful and how we talk to God.  And there is nothing so sweet as seeing the Lord answer your prayers or sending you to be the answer to someone else’s.  It reminds you that God really does care.  

In a nutshell, life is hard, but you can do it!  We can do this!  We can be truly happy and change our lives.  We can be our own hero.  We can make a difference to the lives of those around us by loving and serving others despite our own struggles.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are the answer.  They will not always remove our struggles, but they will give us the strength and comfort we need to get through them.  This life was meant to be enjoyed!  Choose today to start creating a better ending to your story.  No one can write your story but you.  How will you choose to live your life?        

Me with my favorite authors/speakers-Hank Smith, Meg Johnson, and John Bytheway