The theme of the when life gets hard conference was definitely happiness. Hank Smith started us off by reminding us that happiness is a choice. How we choose to feel on the inside is more impactful and important than what happens to you on the outside. The circumstances around you and the trials that life throw at you don’t have to have a major affect on you if you choose to be happy and depend on the Lord. It could be the worst week in the history of bad weeks, but it could also be a happy week if you choose to make it that way. We practiced training our brain to see the good in crazy or bad situations, something that I want to work to apply that into my everyday life. Habits take time to develop but training your brain to see the positive side to every situation would be well worth the time. So much of life is our outlook and I am known for dwelling on the negatives. How much happier I would be if I counted my blessings and looked at the bright side of every situation!
Brother Smith also touched on the lie many of us believe known as the deceitfulness of riches. This is when we live thinking that our happiness is dependent on money and material things. And that if you made more money or had the coolest new gadgets then you would be happier. This is so not true! I admit that this is a worldly lie that I have given into myself and lived by, but I don’t want to continue living like that. Because depending on worldly things to make you happy is not going to bring you a fulness of joy, ever. No matter how much I get, it will never be enough because there will always be more money and new technology within my sights. I will waste my life trying to achieve worldly status and basing my joy and worth off of things that in the end, don’t even matter. Even though it may seem like it at times, money does not make us happy. Why spend your whole life working so hard at something that doesn’t matter? You do need to make money to survive, that is true, but you don’t need to make a certain amount of money to be happy. You can choose to be happy right now, exactly how you are.
Brother Smith then spoke on the poison of living life by the illusion of I’ll be happy if/when. That is when we keep saying we aren’t happy now but we would be happy if our circumstances change. When we are married, when we make more money, when we move states, etc. This is such a toxic way of thinking!! Don’t live your life wishing away your days for perfect circumstances. If you are unhappy now, you will be unhappy no matter the circumstances that you are in. You can choose to be happy no matter what and you can be truly happy in any situation.
Though happiness is a choice, Brother Smith listed some things that help contribute to our happiness. The first is one that we can’t do too much about, our DNA. Our genetics can determine part of our tendency to be more sad or happy all of the time. But that is only part of it (50%). Despite our DNA, we can still choose to be happy! A small portion is also our circumstances (10%) but it is only in extreme cases such as coming into or out of poverty that have a great affect on our ability to be happy. The other 40% is based in the activities that we choose to do. Things that help our mood to be more positive and uplifted (according to science) are spending time outside, listening to uplifting music, exercise, and having a good diet. I have definitely noticed that as I have done all of these things, my mood has improved.
I would also like to add prayer, reading scriptures, attending church, spending time at the temple, serving others, and having a close relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Because it doesn’t matter what is going on in my life, I cannot have the spirit and stay sad for long. Doing all of these spiritual activities has helped me to readjust my mindset and have a better outlook on life. Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and I am happiest when I am worthy in His eyes and living for Him. When life doesn’t go the way I plan, I can still be happy because I know that the Lord has got this and everything will be ok if I keep doing my part.
Here is a quote that Brother Smith shared that I really liked:
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” -Elizabeth Kubler Ross
I just love that and it is so true. Part of why we have trials in this life is to help us learn and grow. If we stayed in our comfort zones and had everything handed to us, we would feel happy enough I suppose, but we wouldn’t ever experience a fulness of joy or fully appreciate what we have. The deeper our sorrows, the greater our capacity to feel joy. It takes hard times and struggles and loss to mold us into better people. It takes working hard and depending on the Lord for us to not take our blessings for granted and really appreciate the simple things. We can’t know happiness without feeling sorrow. I have found that the most kind and caring people are those who have struggles in their lives. They know how challenging life can be and they not only want to make the most of it, but they also want to bring joy to others and help those who are struggling. Empathy is a powerful thing and can only truly be achieved through experiencing hardships in our own lives.
The next speaker was John Bytheway. He opened by talking about how when we were children we used our imaginations to play but now that we’re older, we use our imagination to worry. We need to stop reliving the past and stop excessively worrying about the future (it is good to have goals and to be prepared, but not to anxiously analyze our future). Live in the present because once it is gone, it’s gone. Each day is a gift and we need to stop wasting it. Earlier I spoke about not living for riches or by the idea that I’ll be happy when I get something or go somewhere. Brother Bytheway added another toxic way that we shouldn’t live by and that is waking up everyday and saying that someday we will get to our dreams. Someday I’ll write that book. Someday I’ll graduate. Someday I’ll start learning how to play the guitar.
Brother Bytheway shared this quote that is really straightforward about how we need to take action and stop procrastinating our lives:
“One of the great tragedies we witness almost daily is the tragedy of men (or women) of high aim and low achievement. Their motives are noble, their proclaimed ambition is praiseworthy, their capacity is great, but their discipline is weak. They succumb to indolence. Appetite robs them of will.” -Gordon B Hinckley
If that doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what will. I know that it has motivated me. How do you like being told that you are a man of high aim and low achievement, that you have great potential and goals but you fail to properly execute them? That your laziness robs you of fulfilling your potential. Ouch. But this is something that we need to hear because honestly, achievement is hard. Learning and growing and changing is hard. It is much easier to stay ignorant and continue being lazy, but that isn’t who God has called us to be.
We need to stop putting off our dreams till tomorrow. Because soon, tomorrow becomes never. Don’t procrastinate your achievement! The only thing stopping us from fulfilling our goals is fear. So many of us miss out on opportunities simply because it seems daunting. We let fear convince us that we aren’t good enough to reach our dreams, so we never end up trying. Or we just give up when things get tough. But it is in overcoming the struggles on the road to achievement that make us that much more successful. And it makes all of our hard work worth it.
Brother Bytheway made an awesome acronym our fear. He said that fear stands for false expectations appearing real. We often give up when faced with fear but more often than not, the fear is just in our head. It is what we expect or believe will happen so we let it fool/scare us into thinking that we will never be good enough, but that isn’t necessarily true. Yes we will have failures, losses are part of life. It is from the failures and trials that we learn and grow so much and work even harder to persevere. And each failure brings us one step closer to success.
Look at Thomas Edison for example. He attempted to make the light bulb over 10,000 times before he finally succeeded. It was probably really frustrating to keep failing at his goals to make electricity available to everyone, but he didn’t let that stop him. Every attempt that didn’t work brought him closer to fulfilling his goals. Imagine if he had become discouraged after a few tries and had given up, we might never have had electricity! As Babe Ruth said, “it’s hard to beat someone who never gives up”.
Brother Bytheway also talked about the importance of spending our time wisely. So many of us spend too much time on social media and watching tv and not enough time working towards our goals and fulfilling our potential. And I liked what Brother Bytheway said about that. He said, “spend your time working on your dreams instead of watching other people live theirs”. It sounds kind of obvious, but it is so true. I realized that this is something I struggle with. I watch tv shows instead of working on my own book and I look at other people reaching their goals on social media instead of working towards my own.
It can be so easy to get caught up in the world and what everyone else is achieving. And it can become discouraging to see the results of so many people as they live their dreams and have a flawless social media page. We feel like we could never be them. But that is so not true! We just need to stop putting off reaching our own goals because we are so consumed with what others are accomplishing in the world. Admiring and supporting others’ achievements is good, but don’t let it stop you from living your dream.
I know for me, I let the fear of not being able to achieve what appears to be (or I convince myself is) an impossible task stop me from even trying. But Brother Bytheway shared this quote that really changed my perspective on how to face daunting goals.
“Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.” -Henry Ford
Brother Bytheway described it like this. Sometimes when we look at a goal that we want to accomplish we can easily become overwhelmed. But instead of looking at it as this huge, impossible task that we have to accomplish, we can break it up into small pieces and turn that large goal into a bunch of little goals that build up to the overall goal.
An example would be desiring to become a doctor. Thinking about all of the school and the interviews and training and studying and years it takes to become a doctor can be a little overwhelming. But it feels more doable if you break it up into simpler pieces. Just make it through undergrad school with good grades (or even each semester or individual class if that’s still too overwhelming). Next, just getting into medical school and passing. Then, graduating from medical school and getting into a good intern program. And so on and so forth (I’m not a medical major so I’m not exactly sure of the process of becoming a doctor, but you get the idea). This can even be applied to smaller goals such as learning how to play an instrument.
Our goals that seem too far out of our reach are only unreachable due to our mindset. We tell ourselves that we will never be ever to get there, but when we break it up into smaller pieces, suddenly an impossible dream becomes a doable goal.
The next topic that Brother Bytheway touched on was joy (are you starting to see a pattern here lol). He also stated that joy is a choice that we can make every day. Here is a quote that he shared which really helped me to better visualize this idea.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” -Victor E Frankl
We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can choose how we react to what happens to us. We always have a choice. We can choose happiness. We can choose to have a sense of humor no matter the situation.
There was this super cool analogy that Brother Bytheway shared with us about how we can live our lives. He asked us how we view ourselves-as the victim, survivor, or the hero. Here are the definitions he gave us of each of these roles:
Victim- downtrodden, always under the influence of someone, some problem, or some force
Survivor- Those who seek constantly to stay afloat amid unending difficulties, challenges, or disasters
Hero- Those who have discovered the strength, skills, and understanding to enjoy a rich, full life-despite horrific problems they never thought they would be battling; desires to help others by sharing what they have discovered
I know that there are times in my life where I have cast myself as the victim. I blamed all of my problems on someone or something else and I didn’t work hard to resolve them myself. I have also lived at times in my life as the survivor. I had the motivation to keep going amidst trials and I started taking some responsibility but I still didn’t fulfill my potential and rise above the hard times. I barely stayed on top of my struggles. I honestly have never lived as the hero, but that is something that I want to strive to be now.
I don’t want to let my past or the struggles that I face hold me back. I have learned so much from all of the hard things I have been through, whether I brought the trials upon myself or if they were out of my control. And I wouldn’t be the person I am today without all that I have been through. I have a choice in who to be. I can let all that I’ve seen and done in my life bring me down or I can use it to help me develop into a better person and to motivate me to help others. I am tired of being the victim who doesn’t have control over her life. I am tired of being the survivor who barely gets through every day and is rarely truly happy. I want to be my own hero and take charge of my life. Who do you want to be?
“No one can go back and make a brand new beginning, but all of us can start where we are to make a brand new ending.” -Maria Robinson
It is easy to get caught up in the world at times. It is so loud and can often drown out the spirit if we are not careful. But we need to remember to keep an eternal perspective. We only have so much time on this earth, do we really want to look back one day and realize that we never gave attention to the things that were truly important? We need to remember to have a strong relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. To love our families and serve others. Because after this life, nothing goes with us except for our character, love, and families.
Life can be tough, but if we turn to God, we will be ok. We can overcome our challenges and live a full and happy life despite our circumstances. We can pray and turn to the scriptures and go to the temple for comfort. All of these things are powerful and can bring peace to our souls. I know because I rely on scriptures, prayer, and the temple to help get me through every week. I don’t know where I’d be without Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Meg Johnson was the last speaker and she was so inspiring. When she was in college, she accidentally jumped off of a cliff while hiking and the accident left her a quadriplegic. Adjusting to life after that ordeal was not an easy experience and I’m sure she still has days where she struggles. But Sister Johnson does not let her disability define her or stop her from achieving her goals. She spoke of the importance of turning to God in our trials. The last place we want to be when we are struggling is far from Heavenly Father. Only He can provide the comfort, peace, love, and guidance that we desperately need during those hard times. It is often the hard times that help our relationship with our Father in Heaven to grow. Because that is when we realize that we can’t do this alone. Life is tough, but we weren’t meant to do it alone!
Something else that Sister Johnson said that I really loved is that it is up to us to change our life. People can try to help us, but if we don’t let them, then nothing will ever change. We can be in the worst circumstance but if we choose to, we can make the most of everyday and work hard to change our lives, no matter where they are at. We can love our circumstances, no matter what they are, and find joy in each day even when they are tough. Each day is a new reality, a new day to face our fears and accomplish our dreams. Don’t let one bad day ruin your whole life. Don’t let a physical or mental disability define your life. You really can start over each day and create a new life for yourself.
And if you are feeling down, one great way to turn your day around is to serve someone! I know, it sounds crazy. You feel like you are the one needing service when the days are long and your cheeks are tear stained, but the best thing you could do for yourself is go out and find someone to serve. Nothing makes me happier than loving someone and making them smile. It really fills your soul with joy to know that you made a difference in someone’s day, no matter how small. And often, God answers our prayers through others. We can go out and be the answer to someone’s pleas to Heavenly Father. We can be their angel. And when we really need it, Heavenly Father will send someone to help us out. He does hear and answer our prayers. I testify of it! I’ve seen it in my own life. Prayer is powerful and how we talk to God. And there is nothing so sweet as seeing the Lord answer your prayers or sending you to be the answer to someone else’s. It reminds you that God really does care.
In a nutshell, life is hard, but you can do it! We can do this! We can be truly happy and change our lives. We can be our own hero. We can make a difference to the lives of those around us by loving and serving others despite our own struggles. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are the answer. They will not always remove our struggles, but they will give us the strength and comfort we need to get through them. This life was meant to be enjoyed! Choose today to start creating a better ending to your story. No one can write your story but you. How will you choose to live your life?
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| Me with my favorite authors/speakers-Hank Smith, Meg Johnson, and John Bytheway |
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