My Path

Sometimes it bothers me that I can't compete on Phoenix and that I just sit on the sidelines for rodeo and we tried the English thing lol. It can be hard to have dreams of competing at a professional level one day and realize that your path is leading a different way. It's been hard to chill on the horse front, in a competitive person by nature and sometimes I still watch everyone and I think I could do that if I kept at it working hard and maybe I could.

But when I took a step back horses changed for me. I no longer avoided my horse due to frustrations and we don't fight much anymore. I'm not rushing to make it to the next level or upset when I fall short of expectations because I now just take the time to work through things with Phoenix and just play and enjoy having a beautiful, loyal animal.

I can honestly say that taking care of a horse is almost as fun as running it and I hate to see the day when I have to board her due to school for a little while. I love that Phoenix nickers when I pull up to her gate and always seems happy to see me. I love caring for her and feeding her and cleaning her stall while I sing to her or have crazy conversations. While everyone is stressing out I try to forget the sadness of wanting to be out there competing because it is super fun but that's truly not where I want to go.

I love hopping on Phoenix bareback and just a halter and being able to trust her no matter what. Our bond has strengthened so much when I took a step back and the way we work together and how I see her is completely different. Just enjoying horses has made me a better person and helped push back the competitive, jealous, status focused side so that I can just be happy and enjoy life.

It's crazy that essentially giving up one of your dreams (or what you thought was a dream) has been the best thing ever for me. I didn't want to let go for a long time but I learned that I needed to listen to and trust God and even though I don't understand, he knows best. He knew I wasn't going to be my best self if I was always focused on rodeo and competing and I would have trouble with my dreams of a mission and being a good wife and mother.

I still struggle sometimes to look at the life I thought I always wanted and to accept that I needed to let go. I still enjoy local competitions but even then I get a glimpse of what can change me into someone I don't want to be and I'm glad that God loves me enough to redirect me when I didn't need what I wanted.

Do the things that make you happy on a spiritual level because those are the things that really matter. And make time for those who love you and are always there. The things of this world and status aren't bad and make you happy temporally but they don't last (and I'm not against someone who rodeos professionally I think it's wonderful!! Just wasn't for me 😉). What does last are families and the gospel.

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" Matthew 16:25-26

"Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through not steal.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." -Matthew 6:20-21