I choose God in the struggle

Depression. Anxiety. Fear. Doubt. Exhausted. These are real feelings. Emotions that we all have but never talk about. There are points in our lives where we all struggle. To find ourselves and our place. To give ourselves to God and rely on our faith.


Sometimes I look around at the beautiful life I have and I wonder if something is wrong with me. Why in the heck am I breaking down and wanting to give up when I am so blessed? Why do I struggle to feel joy and find motivation when God is right there beside me? When I know that He loves me and is there?


The truth? I forget. It is so easy to get lost in this world and forget so many important truths. That you are a child of God. That you are never alone. That you are forever loved. That you are more powerful than satan. That Heavenly Father has a plan and you don’t have to know everything. It is ok to take it one day at a time and barely be able to see more than one step in front of you.


In the times when I wonder if God is really there, if He has a plan for me, I take a moment to look back at my life, where I started, the things that I’ve done, and how I got to where I am today. It is evident to me that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are so involved in every step.


Because I know that I am not amazing enough to get this far on my own. To change and grow and stretch just by pure luck. I can tell you that every step of the way Christ was right beside me. To comfort, guide, and love. God does guide our lives if we let Him.


If we wake up everyday and choose Him. If we just give our best and let God give us the strength to make up the rest. If we choose to try and not give up even when life is so hard. We can find heavenly help and strength if we turn to God in our trials. We can find joy, even in the tough times if we give it all to God. We can feel peace and comfort if we rely on Him. And the good times can be even better if we remember to keep God at the center.


I don’t have all of the answers. I don’t know why bad things happen to good, faithful people or why it sometimes feel like Heavenly Father and Christ aren’t there. I don’t know where I am going or what to even pursue in this life. But I do know that the Lord is there, always. That He loves each and every one of us so so much. And He does have a plan for me.


I may not have an idea of what that is but I do know that I will continue growing and stretching and changing throughout my whole life. I will go places and do things I never thought I would or could because God will ask me to.


I hope at the end of the day, when I’m taking my last breath before going up to heaven to be united with my Heavenly parents and Savior again, that I am unrecognizable in the Lord. That I have changed so much for good and that I am as close to being like Jesus as I can be.


I will still struggle with mental illness, but I know that everything will be ok if I put forth my best effort and turn to God. Some days will still be hard and feel hopeless, but I can find true joy, even in the mental illness, thanks to Christ!


I am so thankful for my Father in Heaven and my Savior, Jesus Christ for being in my life. I am so thankful for the beautiful little family that I am sealed to forever in the house of the Lord. For our crazy puppy, Saddie and somehow making ends meet as 2 broke college students. I couldn’t be more blessed.