I love writing about church doctrine, the gospel of Jesus Christ is just so amazing!! But I have noticed that people seem to be more interested in reading my writing when it is more about me and my experiences. I love to share what I learn, but I will try to share some more about my experiences. (Always feel welcome to message or comment if you want me to see me write about something specific).
As I have gone throughout the last couple of weeks I have seen a theme in my life that is a real testimony builder. It is prayer. I say prayers several times a day for the morning, night, and meals, but I have recently begun to rely more on my Father in Heaven during my day to day trials. And one thing that I have begun to notice is that prayer works. I have had so many prayers answered, even on the little things, that I cannot deny that there is a Father in Heaven who hears our prayers and desires to help us.
I think a contributing factor to that is my goal to work more on obedience. I have been working hard to do my best to act in perfect obedience to the Lord’s commandments and the prophet’s warning. No, I am not perfect. In fact, I mess up everyday, sometimes even with the little things. But the Lord doesn’t care that we make mistakes, He cares that we learn from them and keep trying. He knew that we wouldn’t be perfect, in fact, that is one of the reasons we are here. And He sent His Only Begotten Son to perform the Atonement so that we could try again and again when we do wrong. I have definitely seen a change in my life and my outlook on life as I have placed more importance in daily scripture study and prayer and as I have worked to overcome my weaknesses through Christ.
One experience happened today at the beach in southern California. I had recently gotten a new bathing suit from Old Navy that I was so excited to wear. It was a more modest one piece swimsuit and it was cute. It showed my curves and I felt nice while wearing it. My friends told me I was cute in it and I knew it would impress the boys. I felt a little nervous about buying it, but I pushed aside the thoughts. I was probably just nervous since it was a new style for me. I wanted to look like the world and be beautiful right?
Well I did look beautiful. The swimsuit was a good style for my body and at first I felt confident. I looked good and I wanted to go out and show people. But I had been working hard to allow for more of the spirit in my life by doing the small simple primary answers like scriptures, prayer, church, and the temple, and that had already started changing who and how I wanted to be. It also made me more susceptible to hearing the still small voice of the spirit. I started reassesing my swimsuit choice and considering that it might not be up to the Lord’s standards. I tried to tell myself that since it was more modest than what most girls wore that made it ok. But I knew the truth. The Lord doesn’t hold us to the standards of others, nor does He judge us against them. But He sets His own standards and we are judged based upon our own works in this life and our efforts to follow His standards. He doesn’t care what everybody else is wearing or doing. He just cares that we either are or aren’t following Him.
I was conflicted. I wanted to look good in the world’s standards and I wasn’t wearing a bikini or anything that revealing. But I want nothing more than to make it back to my Father in Heaven one day and wax strong in His presence. I want to earn a spot in the Celestial Kingdom with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and I desire to have the spirit as strongly in my life now as I can. Will maybe not wearing the best swimsuit cause me to lose my eternal salvation? Probably not, but making small choices that weaken (or chink) our armor slowly adds up. The more that we accept things that are wrong, the more used to it we get and we continue to push the boundaries more and more. Satan uses this tactic of desensitization to get us in all aspects of our lives. Just one bad word in that song or one bad scene in that movie or tv show. Just one pair of barely too short shorts. It doesn’t seem like a that big of a deal. And that is the worst part. We willingly let satan get a foot in the door because we know what is right and just a little bit seems harmless at first.
The problem is, it usually doesn’t stop there. As we get used to the first step, satan tempts us with more and more until we don’t feel like it is wrong to watch rated R movies or drink alcohol. And it is the little things that get us. When we aren’t as diligent in reading our scriptures or saying our prayers, that is when we start to give into what seem like harmless temptations. But those little changes end up changing the course of our whole lives.
I have been there before. I was constantly going inactive while in high school due to making those little worldly choices. I just wanted to be seen as cool in the eyes of the world. I started to fit in but I drew farther and farther away from the Lord. And once started, the train never stops going. My choices and desires just kept getting worse and worse and everything I was doing started to seem normal or not too bad. My mindset was wrong, I was listening to Satan’s lies. But when you are around something for a long time, you start to see it as normal and accept it. Such as bad media, inappropriate clothing or jokes, alcohol, drugs, immoral relationships, etc.
The hardest part was coming back from that. It is much easier to have the strength to withstand temptations, just say no, and follow the Lord (even when it is hard or people make fun of you) than it is to retrain your mind to think virtuously and to put heavenly things before worldly things. It is hard to un-desensitize yourself from the obscene things you normalized. It is tough, but I promise that it is worth it.
I eventually listened to the spirit that had been prompting me that my swimsuit wasn’t up to the Lord’s standards, and His opinion is the only one that truly matters. It might be a one piece but the top was a little low cut and revealing. The problem was, it was the only swimsuit I had and I was out on vacation. Finding a modest swimsuit can be tough, especially in my size. I had spent weeks just finding the swimsuit that I had and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find one. Most teenagers my age didn’t wear “granny swimsuits”, so stores generally don't sell anything that fit me and is modest.
I did the only thing that I could think of, I prayed. I told Heavenly Father my concerns and pleaded with Him to help me. I wanted to be righteous but I needed His help. I knew that I had gotten myself into this mess by making a mistakes, but I wanted to do better and I couldn’t do that without Him. I relied on my faith in the Lord.
We went to look at swimsuits and for awhile, no luck. I found nothing close to my size in the store that wasn’t a skimpy bikini. I was frustrated and worried about what else to do. I want to have the spirit with me and be filled with the light of Christ. I don't want to disappoint my Father in Heaven and I desire to have the courage to stand strong for what I believe in. I was no longer confident in or proud of my worldly swimsuit as I had been before. I was only ashamed that I had ever wanted to put the standards of the world before the standards of the Lord.
I found one single suit in the whole store that was modest enough for me. And that one suit just happened to fit. I can’t explain it, but I don’t have too. I know for a fact that me coming across a modest swimsuit in my size that was the only one of it’s type in the store was no accident. And it was no stroke of luck or a happy coincidence. It was the Lord answering my prayer. He knew that I wanted to be righteous and needed Him and He helped me to find what I needed. And I am so grateful to Him.
I was able to enjoy the rest of my day, feeling confident in a heavenly way and filled with the spirit. I was able to keep my standards and still feel beautiful. Because nothing makes you feel more special than knowing that your Father up in Heaven is proud of you and that you are doing your best to follow Him.
This wasn’t my first modestly issue with swimsuits, but it will be my last. As I get older, I continue to grow more in the gospel and learn that all the rules are there for my safety. They are temporary inconveniences that bring everlasting happiness. The commandments are no longer something that I dread to follow but something that I desire to follow. I have learned that the more you follow the Lord in your life, the more you desire to keep following Him. And with God, anything is possible. He loves us and answers our prayers if we put in the effort and have faith.
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