Since it is suicide awareness month, I thought I would write about my own thoughts and experiences on the subject. I want to start by saying that suicide is becoming a big issue today. So many people see it is their only option to escape a world that is overwhelming, unbearable, and filled with disaster. You can lead a normal, happy life and still get pushed to the point of considering suicide, it isn’t just for people that are diagnosed with depression or mental disorders. And suicide seems to be the go to solution when things get tough.
Suicide is different for everyone. For some people, the thought is there and haunting but they would never go all the way with it. For others they try multiple times to end their own lives. For some people it is as simple as swallowing too many pills and never waking up and for others it is putting a gun to their head. Suicidal thoughts and the actions that come from those thoughts are a different experience for everyone.
For me personally, I was the cause of my suicidal thoughts. I lived a pretty good life and people treated me well. I had a good family and a fun group of friends. But I tried to take on too much at once and be perfect at everything. I tried working crazy hours and taking 16 college credits while holding a church calling, working with horses, and being engaged. And maybe if I had dealt with everything better, everything could’ve been ok. But I didn’t. I let myself get depressed. I was hard on myself for not living up to the impossible expectations I had set for myself. I hated myself. I thought I was ugly, untalented, not smart enough to finish school, unworthy of God’s love, not worthy of anyone’s time (whether that be friends or my at the time fiance), and so much more self hate. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop waking up every day and bursting into tears before I had even gotten out of bed.
I had trouble socially because I didn’t even like myself, so why would anyone else care? It wasn’t that I wasn’t surrounded by wonderful, caring people or that I was the terrible failure I thought I was, but you become a product of what you believe, and I believed that I wasn’t worth it. I had everything I could’ve asked for and I still was driven to the point of attempting to take my life. I drove myself crazy. And this wasn’t the first time.
Why do so many people nowadays feel like harming themselves or ending their lives is the only answer? I’m not a professional but I am just writing based off of the experiences and observations I have made. Society isn’t the cause to all of our problems, but it certainly is contributing to the suicide stigma. Social media makes it so much easier to bully and stalk each other as well as give us unrealistic expectations of life (because people only post about the perfect moments of their lives). We feel like we don’t fit in because the world tells us that if our lives aren’t perfect, then something is wrong. But the truth is, we all feel this way. We all struggle to find ourselves and to find our place in life. We all want to discover who we are and build our own lives. And we all want to be treated with kindness and find love.
People can be mean and society isn’t perfect, but it all comes back to us. Nothing can hurt us unless we let it. I was always a sensitive person and I took everything to heart. One mean thing being said to me would push me into depression for weeks as I would fester over the mean comment and add my own hate to it. But what if we just let it go? What if we just ignored the mean talk and forgave others and didn’t give it a second thought? I know that it still hurts when people are rude or bully you, but it won’t take root in you and continue to grow if you don’t feed it.
I still struggle with depression sometimes but as I have devoted my life to Jesus and worked to not care what the world things about me, I have seen a difference in my life. I am happier and more forgiving. The spirit helps you to let things go, reminds you of your worth, and just helps you find peace and comfort amidst the trials of life. Jesus Christ is the only one who truly and fully understands what you are going through and can offer you the peace you seek.
Jesus suffered and died for you because He knew you were worth it! You have worth just for being a child of God, just for being you! And if you want to know that in your heart for yourself, pray to your Father in Heaven. You can receive that knowledge for yourself if you ask with an open heart. And the wonderful thing about God and Jesus is that they are always there! Day or night, good times or bad, you can always pray for their help. I can’t tell you how many times I just bawled my eyes out to God and His peace and comfort saved my life. He wants to help you and He is there. Just like your Savior, Jesus Christ. Not only did He die for you, but He has gone through it all, so He can truly understand anything you are struggling with whether that be betrayal, temptation, sadness, anger, etc. He understands and He loves you.
Suicide isn’t the answer, God is. God is there to help you let go of the hate, anger, frustration, and fear and help you change your heart and your life. He wants you to be happy and live in love. And there is nothing wrong with seeking medical help if that is what you need. There is no shame in talking to a counselor or taking medication. These are tools here on this earth to help us become our best selves. And sometimes, we need those tools to learn to become better and to lead happier and healthier lives. I don’t know why mental illness or getting mental help has such a bad stigma, but it shouldn’t.
Heavenly Father gave everyone on this earth different trials to overcome and for some of us, one of those trials is mental illness. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy or loved or beautiful or smart or amazing or that you have to live by a label. It just means that your journey is different than that of those around you.
Our lives are precious, they are gifts from God. Our bodies are also heavenly gifts. We were made in God’s image and He loves us just for who we are and how we look right now. And it hurts him when we are hurting or we feel the need to hurt ourselves. We are His beautiful children and He wants us to know just how cherished and special we are. We don’t have to live up to the world’s unrealistic expectations to make it into the kingdom of heaven. We don’t have to look a certain way to be loved by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ or to be saved. God cares what is in our hearts more than how we look on the outside. So we must take care of our spirits and emotional health just as much as we take care of our physical needs.
Don’t be scared to pray for help or to talk to your friends, parents, or spouse. You don’t have to be afraid to get the help that you need in this life to help you be happy and live life to the fullest. You don’t have to be ashamed that your journey is different than others. You don’t have to live your life in fear or depression. Change is possible and it starts with you. You have to take action. You have to make the choice to do something about it. And that does seem scary, I know, but so many people love you. So many people around you are going through the same things you are and you wouldn’t even know. Just take things one day at a time and remember who you are, a child of God! You are amazing and blessed in so many ways. Don’t give up when things get tough, you can do this! And you can’t do this alone, but with God all things are possible.
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